⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ *

i feel pretty bad yeahh haha haha . Theyre putting me in therapy again i guess. i dsont know when it starts but im not going to do thatttttaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh no way no way wno yway no way no way no way no way noway no way no way im doing that I hate you all. its meant t be therapy and then in two onths psuchiatrist and i dont wanna know about ieither of those. i tried to gfet medication insdtead becasue it sounds awy easier than talking to a oerson that does NOT care about me . but my papa tgold me to go fuck myself. its so shitty i wish i was dead. i have been trying to draw betgter and i downloaded p[aint tool sai again because i felt like it but i cant bring myself to make anything comprehensible to the human eye. or anything that would be nice to look at. i bascially just stared at sai canvas and then closed the program.ans everything i make is shitty aand shit and ugly. i trhink onmly i can enjoy it. maybe i am the only one ever ever ever that will like my ocs. maybe i should stop trying so badly to share t hem becasue really, nobody cares. people only like pretty stuff and i think my ocs are pretty but like. maybe becasue im their dad i have my vision a bvit distorted. i really do not know how to make them pretty for everyone... so , from now on, i will keep them to nyanself. as much as possible. i supposie i can still let people know from time to time that i do have my children but i will delete those posts . no thing will last for long if its not in its containmtnt zone OR if i dont feel satisfied by it. many drawings are being hidden forever because i think they truly are that bad. maybe i shouldnt do that. i dont know.

i have some more ideaws about my ocs but i really do not feel like sharing them and i also know nobody is going to care so actualy there is no point in wasting time on that.

i was thinking. i shoulddo something bad again. but this time without people findign out. i dont know how. i think next time i shower , i will pujt myself in ve4ry very hot water. that could possibly be the thing people will notice less. also i really dont want to eat abnd everything tastes weird and i fee l like crying always. i hopefully pass out again soon for not eationg becasue it was fun last time i passed out. also i havent been sleeping welklk i think?. i keep on taking afternoon naps that juist fuck me up further because ih ave many things to do and i am qite the busy guy. n ot really. i dont know what i am doing.

i want to waste money on my ocs. so i sohhould nmake reference sheets and start looking for people to comissionm. maybe. its just that i really want to decorate my pc with them but i dont know what i could do. maybe i could turn evil and ask some sort of ai what icould do, because it is sincerely juist because i have no ideas. i cannot formulate a single static image of them without needing to turn it into a story or animatic and i do not have4 the time for that and the canvas size fnever feels right and whatever man. anatomy also butt butt and drawing also butt tbuttand its all wahteber all wahtever all wahatever.

ALWAYS. ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS ALWAYS KILL YOURSELF. KILL YOURSELF EVERY DAY. Always.

i was jksjut kidding when i typed out this mgiht be a bad day but aftr thinkign about it more it might really be a badd Day.nnot like it really matters. but it not matterign majkes me feel worse and and i really cant afford to feel bad for a while again i really need to finish this as soon as possible its like things only get bad to get in my way and nobody really gets that yet they're not the ones feeling bad about it its like im carrying all the """weight"" of all the feelings they should be having for doing stuff that obviously will make me feel bad and the nactually making me feel bad and then i also do things that make me feel bad so uhm it really is a fight against anyone including me who for some reason also thinks i dont really feel bad but i do feel bad and i should know that already but i keep feeling like im making it up and i wish this was all over already

id be complaining about this somewhere else but i dont want to get accussed of being the crybaby that i am. + this is just the same as always so uhm what does it matter

i hgave a loit of things to complain about bnut im scared theyyll find me. asd in. opeople. Nobody cares aboyt me but i somehiow still think its a possiblitiy

Anyway. Nobody wants to care so it really does not matter whether i type it out or not. I already spent time writing this and I was thinking of deleting it but well I'll let it take space until i delete the whole diary.html to get more space in my site... when I start working on it again. A lot of coding will be taking up my days from now on (Or 3D Modeling or drawing or wasting time on other hobbies that'll get me nowhere which is fine because i don't want it to work for something and i just want to leave my ocs scattered on the internet and i want them to stay after im gone and hopefully i can dedicate my whole, short, boring life to just drawing nyans ocs. )

I don't know what's with me and the need to describe everything as the worst thing that could happen to me. I'm not surprised Harco left me. I will not let nyanself write anymore because I don't feel like I deserve it.

what

this is fuciking stpid

i made this one with damian in nmind

hi

i havent been feeling very well but at least this time im nt limiting myself like crazy and weell now im just feeling like doing everything to distrasct nyanself and ignoring many things which isnt very good because i have an important homeqoek to do that i really wanted to do too but uhm maybe i dont really want to do it on the inside? maybe i am a bad person adn stressing my dad on purpose and for noithing ? oh well . ive been letting nyasnelf see the explore page a lot more frequeently and i still get angry when i see people i dont like but i think im going to start using more #relax methos ds so it doesn't happen that often adn i want t o set up a reminder in nyans computer but well i have many ideas for nyasn compuiter. i want to make ecvvrything oc themed + 2017 looking whci is also directlyu because of ocs abd stuff oh uhm well i feel very tired and like killing myself honestly well not like ending it but more like ujust harming but its okay i wont dooo ittt blahg bolah blah blah i want to make a winapmp skin for nyansh ocs but im not very sure how i want it to look like plus i want to share it but i dont know where .Oh nevermind. Nevermind .Nevermind I am make a new account i na new place now. https://weirdlookingstar.blogspot.com i Mmade a Blog. Thing. Jhii Ahaha it looks very bad and i ve been thingking how this will probabl be my bmain target for wehn i feeol super basd and like hiding every single thing ive evber done but uhm its fine i can just upload i t all again later https://ibb.co/mCJvzBQ5 tghis iguy is alwayus Spitting Truth nuke s /srs uhm wekll i dont think theres anything new in my life after that im being very boring thee days and tomorrow my ungcle gets here which is not scool at all amd i wish i could eat a marucahn and i wianta sleep all day and ndo nothjing ever OK ASTRO WE ALL KNEW TRHAT PLEASE STOP POSTING AND YJUST KILYOURSELF ARLEADY I HATE SEEING YOU INH MY FOLLOWING I HATE SEEING YOU IN THE EXPLORE PAGE I HATE EVERY URL YOU MANAGE PELASE KILL YOURSELF YOURE ONLY NYANS MATEY BECAUSE I CSICERERLY CANNOT WAIT FOR THE DAY YOU DIE AND ROT IN HELL AND THATS WHY I ONLY LIKE YOUR POSTS WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT KILLING YOURSELF BECAUSE IT JUAT FEELS OOOOOOO GOO D TO KNOW YUOURE ARE RLEADY THIHNIKING ABOUT IT AND I WISH I COULD COMMENT ON YOUR OOSTS TO DO IT AL READY BUT I DONT WANT TO GET BANNED AND YOURE HORRIBLE AND I HATE YOU AND WE ALL HATE YUOU

i think im too dramatic and i should be dead and i'm sorry for all the people i have annoyed with these emotions i can't control because i know it annoys other people to see me exploding every second over the same things and making always a big deal about it and uhm i know it affect s other people way more than it affects me but i still cant seem to shut the fuck up??? i don't know why i'm like this i think the only thing i should do is rot and apologize for rotting and i'm sorry for taking up space and i don't know why i'm doing this it might be attemtion seeking again i don't know why i need attention okay i'm sorry i'll try to keep more to myself today like a normal person Ahh i don't even deserve this i don't even deserve expressing this or feeling thisnhh

i want real people but i don't know where to find those i'm scared i don't know what to dp uhm im just going to sleep for a while and feel bad tomorrow Well no i cant because i ave. a lot. on my mind. maybe i should just force nyanself to sleep i dont know ahh ahhh ahhh ahhh i keep on using words i shouldnt be allowed to use i'm sorry i think i coild be one of the worst perosong s ever? i mean i havent killed anyone but im still not bery like nice to be around and i dont know i think i did someoetjing veru wrong and i domt kmow of it and thats whu mobodu wants to be around me and i am aslo a bad tpedson becuase whaitel shorewering i was tjingking of just uhm finding a pred.a.toe r or soemone like that and beg for tjem to please not tell me to sendnpictutrss and to sujust get off on talkig to me because i want someoen to talk to and i was tjknking of datkng thst possible sopmeone too because itsd be easy right i could match pfps and tell them all about my life because rheuyll like it and theyll want me telling them about those things because it gets them off because imn15 but ihm its scary and i thought about jow maybe theu get caught and i am obviosuly not a supporter of tjese people but theyre meant to be never ending attnetionnfor me and im trally scared of it gettong takennaway nfrom me because of my fault andn i dont tjink i can handlenit snd inthink im not bnice at all for hoping thisn happens to me because this does happen and it does harm people but i dont known

the workdt thing about me is tjat im not dead yet and everyoen can agreeeeeee

by th eay guys you guys do know that you can unfollow me right i dont know why so many people folloe me and km honestly not happy and hopefully i can delete followers soon i wont let amyone follow me i dont think. i dont tinhnk i deserve followesrs or likes or people haha

NEVERMIND THE WORST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD ARE ALWAYS THE ONES THAT GET TO HAVE FRIENDS SO THAT ACTUALLY MEANS I AM SO PURE AND GOOD ANS AWESOME THAT I DONT DESERVE FRIENDS. BECAUSE FRIENDS MAKE YOU A BAD PERSON. AND ITS TRUE,

They. Yried to silence. Me .. . ... ... ...

uhwmmm i cant even typoe antyh8ign bad abouty mnyanselkf ior selse i feel like im tyring too attention seek sooooooooooooo im just gona say it here Ah Im Reopeartng myaself again uhm well iuyhhm uhm I . I watned. to say. I . amd. i have shtioty mwsuci taste. trhat was pretty much it /... i dont nknow.. why im make such big deal outr of it.. uhmm. aoh godsh the clock toesnt majke anyh sense I wish eveyrone i didnt like Was Dead Now

Iif I alwasy scome to the same conclusjeiosn then that must mean there truly Is a Me Deep Insdie all This mess I Call myyyyyy Thouuughttsss and ok I dont think Will like me Anyh further.............................................. Kill Everyone i nyour town Now oh im so bored i wish ichad Someeoneee to talk tooooooooooo HI my name is astro i enjoy t hbngs jsuch as drawing and colmputer time and i also like uhm ihjjm my ocs i like my ocs a lot i like the color yellow and green and my favorite of my kids is damian but i also apprecialte lucero and kurai and sebastian and james and ori and mary and fazirah all ecqually aand and and but but but ujhm I want friens because i dont really have eanyoen to talk to. When I Look at Pictures on line of Vittorino , Rose quartz /Pink Diamond , etc. i Sauy in My Brain "That Is Me That Is Me That will Always Be Nyan". and I get disgusted wehn I See sugestive art that does not Portray Nyan Properly. But. I Don ot elike expressing thjat because Im not a Bifg fan of causing arguments. Id say im very undrstainding of other peoploe because im aware im unlikeable in their eyes Haha . I li eke things being coflorful but i also like monochrome color pallteses and i draw somethiunmes but i never really get on big progjects because im very forgetful. The reaso nwyh ui doint realyy like peopl;e is becasue i feel ilike every personality trait has something bad in stroore for me and i dont like . a lot of things. its quite the subject to talk a bout i might explore that more later/ My favorite songs are many yadnd yuou wouldnt get it. When i had friends i really liked Matching Pfpfs. i wouldnt say im suicidal but im sertainlky a pain to talk to and i hide not a lot but i stil hide some things./ i like the internet becasue it givers yuou the cahnce to bne in your bed all day without going to school and it ghas a lot opf information adn becasue . I believe in angel numbers and i could share angel numbers with new friends so they can make wisehs too,. I get newrvous at thinking of reolying to any post and i get scared at making a post on mnyans own . IF UOU SAY TO ME "I WILL NEVER LEAVBE TYOU" THEN YOU BETTER MEAN IT AND DONT EVEN CONSIDER OF LEABING ONCE BECAUS E I WILL NOT FORGIVCE THIS T IME AND I WILL NTO LETT IT HAPPEN AGAIN YOU MUST BE THERE FOR ME AT ALL TIMES. ughhhmm the internet feels like one big friengd group conspitring agains t nmyan so nyan can kill nyanself already............................ Im thinkign of texting guy again.; might be fbad aide a i might feel worse would i ever get a response at thsi hour. Actually im getting resposne never because im very effing ugly. Oh god i have to die. Please jsut shoot me in the head already please jsut kill me ;please jsut kikll me a l ready oh mgodshheghurbbbwrgwrgbh PLEASE ANYONE THAT WANTS TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME . MY DISCORD USER UIS WEIRDLOOKINGSTAR MY PIKIDIARY IS @WEIRDLOOKINGSTR MY ROBLOX IS @WEIRDLOOKING_STAR I DONT HAVE MUCH SOCIAL MEDIA IM SORRY I CAZN GET MORE WSOCIAL MEDIA IF YOU WANT ME TO AND PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR PHOTOS I AM THE MOST HORRIBLE DISGUSTING PERSON IN THE WORLD [PHYSICALLYH] AND YOU WILL GBE ISNTRNTLY UNINTERESTED IN NYAN IF YOU COULKD TAKE A GLANCE AT HOW FAT AND SMELLY AND UGLY NYAN IS PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT RUIN TYOUR PERSPECTIVE OF ME LIKE THAT . I WILL ACCEPT ANYONE ADN I TRULY MEAN IT THIS TIME AS LONG AS YOU PAY ATTENTION TO ME AND IM ALLOWED TO TELL YOU ANYTHING ABOUT ME AND YOU CANNIOT COMPLAIN ABOUT TMI AND I SWEAR I AM WORTH HOLDING A CONVERSATION WITH I SIWAER IM NOT AS BAD AS YOUY COULD THINK IM ACTUALLY VERY FUN ILL DO ANYTHIN G ILL WSATCH ANYTHING I WILL PROBABLY SEND PHONTOS IF PRESSURED TOO MUCH BECAUSE I LL GET WORRIED YOULL LEAEVE IF I DONT AND IM VERY SCARED . OR TELL ME TO KILL MYSELF. YOU CAN JUST MESSAGE ME TO KTELL ME TO DIE AND YOU CAN ALSO HARASS ME AND MAKE ME FEEL WORSE I DONT KNOW BUT PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO ME.

i cry every day and YES i am trying to make you feel guilty this time I want you to look at me whole and Say "Oh I Feel So Bad for this guy". Ughhh i wish i was white and handsome and cis becasue then everything i could do could be attractive to at least one person out thisere. uhghhh i dontr deserve antyhing,. Yes i am going to delete shit again no this is not for attention anymore i just really hate nyan and NO i dont KNOW why do i have to announce every single thing idelete i think i want someone to care but i know nobody wont so i only say it one time to not waste as many words instead of repeating a lot i dont know. Leon was so smart for making someone else murder her instead of actually killing herself. It was suicide Ryker Yeah yeah whatever i Wish i Could do the same. everything is point les s................... Hopefully i hjarm myself one of these days. jhopefully eeveryone finds ouyt about it and says loudly "FINALLY!!!!!!!!" and it ill. imsnpire me to Actualy die. I dont need tyour fake worryign i hate all of you . Every single perosn online that tries to reach out is just making it up and hoping youll pay them or something. they always want something , . actua;ly ievery single person is evil. eveyrone is nso evil. i wonder what is sort of the problem with me because this is not really normal is it. ive tried to self-diagnose all my life but maybe this is just it and this is how i was always meant to be and i cannot change it because its not serioyus enough and maybe i am just pretending i dont know i dont know i dont know ill stop thinkign about this hopefully. im going play minecraft.

i feel bad !! like. Eveyrone really doesnt luike being around me! B ut. Im trying to Tell nyasbnseklf that It Doesn't matter; I Still havc nyan self. But Nyans not Listenin, so i stil feel bad. Im thiniking of quitting social media like, in. general. maybe starting brand new somewhere else. but that just shows how i can't seem to connect with anything for longer than a year. One way or another, I start believing it's trying to "kill me" or worsen me in some sort, and usually i let myself go through with the idea. so that does probably mean i'll start quitting online life soon. because it always happens and i'll reach a point where i can't stop it, and then i'll feel bad and wish for it all to happen again, but no effort will be made. again. and then it'll all happen again and i'll look back on all of it and feel like everything i did was embarrassing back then and i won't let nyanself live properly because i'll be stuck in the past. i'm just letting the waves drive me into different situations and then act shocked when i realize once again the world will keep spinning whether i feel bad or not, whether i want attention or not, whether i'm there or not. and it'll keep spinning whether any person is here or not. things will still happen and they will all make at least one person sad, all things. because people care too much and some people are evil and others want the best for everyone and well there's really no point in stating the obvious when you meet a new person or even letting your opinion of them be heard won't really matter if we're still just in the internet i think. i mean. it might change their lives but it's not like. lives are forever. you know ? . uhm when i feel like this i still feel like dying because i feel like i'm wasting my time here. maybe there's no heaver on hell after we die but i see no point in experiencing any of this if there's a chance it won't end happily. i also don't like the idea of most of it feeling bad. i also know that i'm just 15 and it's too early for me to start thinking most of my life is "bad", but i don't really see a way of it getting better. supposedly feeling too bad clouds your mind and makes you unable to see the positive things, maybe that's what's happening here. but i'm being as realistic as i can and i truly feel like my life will just worsen if i don't die now or if i don't disconnect nyanself from "society" entirely. which will also end up in death, but a little bit more uncomfortable. maybe when i'm older you'll see me sleeping on the same bench at this same park every day and i'll be eating from the trash. and i'll be very embarrassed and i'll tell nyanself I'll Get Used to The Feeling Of Always being in public But. What if I don't?. Maybe if it happens [the whole homeless stuff] i'll wait 2 months or 1 month for the shame to drift away. if it doesn't happen by then, i'll end it. i don't know. i like thinking about possibly being helped by others, but it's not like i deserve it. i'll probably drift away from everyone that tries to help me the same way i drift away from anything social. life (or my head) only lets me enjoy things for one year. it's always one year, and a couple of months to make me miserable in the future. or a little bit less than a year. but it doesn't really matter /srs

today i changed a couple of things in my computer and risked getting a couple viruses but i think i'm fine. my grandma had her first cancer treatment thingy and i'm happy for her. i made my first pikipost that didn't tag gui after a bit of being a little bit silent but it seems like nobody missed me and well not really new for me but it still hurt a little because i feel like attention should be immediate for me. i've felt jealous, disappointed, ashamed, i've also remembered a couple of things about harco and felt bad. yesterda i wrote about him as if he were my ex and i guess he is. he pretty much is, yes. i haven't worked on much for this roa and next week i'm meant to start an important project. i am very irresponsible and i wish i were dead so i didn't have to stress out the adults in my house further just because i don't like doing anything. the tomodachi life trailer was out and i'm a bit happy but i'm not very sure i'll get to experience it. april 16 feels very far away and i'm not very sure i'll make it with how things been going. hopefully i don't. i know i keep on talking about this but i jsut see no point anymore yet my body feels like it's trying harder to elongate my """"""""suffering""""""""". i don't really know what makes me think writing about this feeling in this way is something i have earnt but gosh it really hurts and i know other people have it worse yet i still think i'm the one that deserves to whine all about it. well, what i was trying to get at is that i said before that i wanted to keep nyanself alive for experiencing tomodachi life, but if i remember correctly, that was back when people liked me a little and i still had hopes of getting harco back. so, yeah, things are a bit different now. and i also won't get to buy it as soon as it releases because of money in the family and stuff.

if i kill myself today, i won't have to worry about sharing the house with this uncle that's staying for a while that comes two weeks. or maybe it's one week now. i'm not sure. it won't be nice at all. i've heard he judges a lot and he treats my grandma not very nicely. he was fine before but now that he's coming to visit he's making her a lot more worried about stuff. he also spreads a lot of misinformation about the cancer my grandma has and makes her worry and think that things are going to be way worse than they're going to be. i won't really get a chance at killing myself while he's here. i also don't really ever have a chance because i'm a bit of a pussy. and i'm also scared of failing and making a big drama all about it again. i don't know what to do. i'm going to start listening to subs to wish for me to die while i sleep and i will also wish for every person i don't like to die aswell and i want the good people in the world to live way longer than they should. i might not die until i see people i don't like have their lives ruined or get killed. i might. i probably won't. i'm just jealous. i really want all privileged people to die and i want them all to die now now now. i might be taken with them but it's fine.

they always say that you're not alone and that you can reach out to them but theyre always lyiiiinnngggggg liars liars liars liars if they cared they would act instead of letting nyan feel worse and i want them all dead for "caring"or not and i wish someone loved me again already because im greedy and not nice to be around and i'm super dumb and pretty much useless and i smell bad and i'm not nice to be around

if i could i would get a soda right now and maybe shrim ps or maybe a nice burger i actually dont reallyu like fries because they're either too thin or too big it might be better to just not eat them at all but i do like their flavor but i dont like how they're meant to be held and stuff is it really necessary to make them that little and that thin but yes it is necessary because then you lose the nice part of the texture but its still not enough and theres probabvyu a better way to get the same feeling and taste so uhm i might not eat fries anymore.

maybe i should hope for nobody to find this instead of wantign to be found and read but uhm well i don't iknow i jsut don't see a way for this to go well and this diary might fuck me up[ in the future but it's fine i won't have much future laughing emoji .Laugh with me.

i've had many thoughts today but i can't quite remember wha t they were, . i'm lying i'm still thinking of a lot i just don't want to write about it because i'm a bit scared it could be read.

its all just the same ughhh

Aaa Buyt Theres alwayhsy somehting LNice to thngkj about. Sure Sure Yes Yes Like Cats And Dogs Bunnies And Seals Like . Plushies And Tamas And Ccold Water and warm blankets and comfortn and family and internet yes yes . I Should join a discord server... Nn. ive heard people are very mean in discord servers because they already ghave a friend group but maybe i find sojmeone nicer!. but i dont really want to risk it... but... wel... im gonmna try!!!!!!!... maybe..... maybe not........ but.... well....... im gonna prepare for trying..............

i had a who0le server jsut to myself and it was all neatly organzied and i barely used it and theres a channel with just this https://i.ibb.co/gMnmCrcW/Screenshot-2026-01-30-230410.png https://i.ibb.co/ynRx70Q0/Screenshot-2026-01-30-230636.png wait i just noticed why did i nickname myselof that. i'm ver ysorry i truly am not attention seeking i just forgo t this was here and i thought i could share i dont know . t heres also scripts i used from back when i wanted to be a submaker but i dont remember ever uploading these. i diont remember any of it actually! . I also shared a video there of a finished sub but i dont really want to look at it ?. supposedly it was on youtube and i only finished one but uhm well im gonan delete it now. https://i.ibb.co/0wC7pC5/Screenshot-2026-01-30-231111.png https://i.ibb.co/xSy44CRT/Screenshot-2026-01-30-231359.png that last ones from a server i made for an oc i really really liked for some reason and i now forget about them sometimes

Ok So there is A LOT in HEre. https://ibb.co/RGjjqGVc https://ibb.co/KcphWrcP https://ibb.co/VcnVmfyp https://ibb.co/BHCfnV6p https://ibb.co/WvgNGjQ2 https://ibb.co/mrzWHBXh https://ibb.co/DDLN8nPX https://ibb.co/wF2gwySB https://ibb.co/s93VSX1b and there is this OTHER server from back when i had a social life and it has info from BEFORE i identified as queer, when i thought i was a lesbian, when i thought i was a demigirl, when i started shifting my pronouns, AND when i changed my name. https://ibb.co/FLh6csfh there was thi s guy i also let in the channel even though i wanted my things to be private (basically the whole server could see if i remember correctlyu and only he was allowed to talk too) and i jkept on treating this guy so badly adn its so weird to see because i actually kind of liked him romantically why did i do that https://ibb.co/YF00jpNr theres lkike every single fandonm ive been in in here dude https://ibb.co/nqWBQ0m9 https://ibb.co/spgFfdkZ https://ibb.co/gM4kYms1 https://ibb.co/39WnCdjj https://ibb.co/sJHt3nMk ???????????????!!!!!!!!!!! PINNED MESSAGES????? https://ibb.co/MDwrNnsQ https://ibb.co/XxYqgtkw https://ibb.co/PsBCGr4q https://ibb.co/1YJHR3NY KURAI ? OLD PERSONA ??????? I LITERALLYU REMEBMBER DRAWING THAT RANBOO THIN G ON FIREALPACA WELL I DONT REEMEBEMEBR DRAWING IT BUT I DO REMEMBER I DREW IT??,.... https://ibb.co/1Gdzc6Wz https://ibb.co/1YmMjWB6 https://ibb.co/Wp2wLFmZ https://ibb.co/qM715tnz https://ibb.co/LzCRBZB8 https://ibb.co/602v1q4V https://ibb.co/FkJgdb8h https://ibb.co/ds4ZJgcm https://ibb.co/zV0knGZc I Have Not Changed At All, Have I ?.

nmow past me has started looking back on every single message ive sent and ive also seen myself struggle over picking gifts for friends that i never finished because i r emember wanting to make a box full of gifts to confess to someone but i don't remember who i think it was the guyi was talking about before honestlyu And i just keopt hinting at feeling something for someone but stioll treated him So Badly its not even Funny https://ibb.co/cX3JrsYr https://ibb.co/dwTMZ7vX i did not nknow i still liked t hings before huh https://ibb.co/JRd66Yw7 this is what i was talking about before but if i remember correctlu i didnt show it yet . i was because it s still very embarrassing to look at i did not finish reading all of that ranting. https://ibb.co/bMKmGrrk

i do Not Remember Selfshipping This Much https://ibb.co/hR9PJLGT

https://ibb.co/G4vJdzmr i kept on mentioning "The Box" yet Never working on it https://ibb.co/4wnc8xBN i'm listening to poem panic! right now uh oh https://ibb.co/w5H6Trn ????????

i supposedluy already played ddlc and i remember nothing about iot https://ibb.co/cSfY6xJj https://ibb.co/60DHNwnw i did not rembmebrer this at all ,? https://ibb.co/mFSbLc6h i actually #Should TBH https://ibb.co/TBpZzH4K theres not hibgn mnew honestly

um well that was it basically. deleting th esever now .

iit is now 2:55 aam and at least i ahve less servers than vb4. i thought about mabe textimfg that guy again but i donmt want him to play therapist withj me again so i jsut wont risk i t. aalso i sdont want to comment much more on what i saw rifht now with the whole 2023 2022 stff i had a lot of opinmipms wbut wahtevedr uhmh bye bye

AHHHHHH oitdyya i wwoke uop at uhmm 8 10 or somehtign i and i got worried because thats liek 20 mintujs aswya fromj class so i very tiredly i tried to goi tghorough the ,mess that my bed is and i woke upo my tama and got him the caretaker thingy and i was super tired and then i tried to use cmy computer btu it kept turning off evry sencond and then i went to class abnd the b ny dad and mgramndama were waliingf around the house reely packigfndsd ajhd they were tlkijng aobut medicidne and stuf and they said They were Leaving at 12:30 and i was srt of mad because i want them to lewavce at like 9 so i can log out opf clas and do nothing while theyre not here which was dumjb and i still wish they left earlier adn uhm i did mai clases qndd i used phone for bad stuff and i finished mai class i think i did an assignmnmt or half of it and tehn they lkeft and then i went top trabtthroomand i did bad sstuff and ikit made me feel embarrasdd because im ade face s i coundlthjh kcontrol it iwt was gross i relalyu hope nobvodyu ever ever saw ohmygodfd nbuuut maybe ifd nbe okay wirth harco seeign me through thre camera of mai phone oif hee thjings.its... nic.e.. to see......... im a pervert

wekll tnow i left bathroom andh then i went to make food and now im eartingf food and now ijm hjere wrirting well i didntt make food but i micrwowaved pre-made dfood and iits preety yumy but i wish theree wrree more im vbery hgyungryy hm uhjmmjm harcooo shoot me in the head and thell k,e yu areeent sorry. okkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk aaaheheaee

yesttday i rembrered mai chioldren anre meant to be in maid cafe soh no OK let me . explain to tyou mai thought process ok so iuhmm i wish i could talk here isntead of typing it takes so lungjgh . OK so Fisrt i wanted to keep on making oc content right btu i have nobody to share it to and the only way to dfind someone to care is thorugh the internet and i mean that like CARES qand UDNERSTQANDS and TGRIES their best to understand nd is like genuinelu INTERNESTED. Since i dont have friends or anyone rthat cares abour ME isntead of what I could do or Who I Was in 2019 then i cant jsut Tell close people becayhse im Not Like priviledged peopole which i still hate a lot because since theyre so priviledgd tghey sjust dont Know what to whine about so they jsut make up a bunch of issues that nobody gives a shit about and sicne theres so many privilegdsed people in the inthrteenret you just Haaaaaaaave Sto See adn Hear every Single lkittle Iiissuueee""" they haveeee Whhich is made iUPP!!!!!!!!! EBCASUE THEY WANT EVEN MORE ATTNETION THAN THEY ALREADY AHVE!!! WITH NONENSXISTEN T EISSUES!!!!!!! hhehhjnnbn . i jsut changded mai music playuleist a little i lost track oif whqat i was sayuingf..... opk so yeah i dont have anyone to share this to so i thought ok the only option i s c lealrfy the interent and i knew rthat alreadyh and thats whi y i sused pikidiary but piokidiary didnt care either v ecxause trheres too many privilegsged people theere ahhjjhhjrrr so als we all iknow i stopped posting because i want to have same chjancged of priviledged peopel and i want someone to recognize and ask and be worried and ask where am i becasue i want to feel wanted and i want to feel connected but its a bit difficult when im so difficult and i wish someone pitied me and tried to make me feel happy pero bueno so iwas thinking what place could i possibly use to be noticed so people know about my children and then i remembered oH righ t Characterhub so i said yes yes i will start cuistomizing profiles now. But then i thought uhmm but how do i do this because each chikld has their like dead version adn their alive bversion (dead is kawsaii neko neko cafe) soo i said wekll im going to make dead version since its the most presentable one and easiest to catch the attention of others since its cutesy and kawaii and nyaa so sugoi ANHD then in those profiles ONLYU link to alive versions with all the lore in text/polaces that they will onlyu look at if theyre truly reading the profile um spo ueah . uhmm i shoudl be fworkign on that nolw. im feel so tired oi dont know why...... ok ill start work Ack ok ilklk start writing info becasue art is take lots of time OH WQAIT I WFORGOT TO SAYU SOEJTHING ELDE so i started watcxhing maikd cafe video tours to have an idea of what aesthetic i spould be aiming for and what gestures theyvd be makign and AHHHHHH ITS SO CUTE IF OR GOT WHY I CHOSE THIWS AS THEIR THEME AHHH AHHH SO CUTE and im thinking of making a roblox game whenre you can be the customers and they act akl cute and stuff but that will be ONLY after Character hub things uhm bujt it should be okay Ok bye BYE BNYE BYE BYE BYEB YE BYE BYHEBYE BYE YNuevamente Nyevamente nuevamente nuevamente nuevamente nuevamente nuevamente nuevamente nuevamente/lyr

711 pm whatever i try to do will never give me the results that i want so i think i'll just exist for a while until things get too infuriating and i end up finding a way to kil myself because people just wont care no matter how much i cry to myself and beg to the void for attention they don't care if you don't think of yourself as important and if you don't try to rub off your ego on other people's minds they just won't care. i don't think i'll have friends any time soon and i have to stop having days where i think otherwise because i just fuck nyanself up further and it's not helping me. it wouldn't surprise me if i still struggled with it all when i grow up because i think it's just a part of me now. maybe it's karma for being a creep towards harco? which i also don't feel like he's coming back. which is okay i suppose. i should stop hoping for any attention to be paid back to me because i don't really deserve anything. i mean there's nothing i did wrong i think but there's nothing i did right to deserve anything.

i don't really know what i'm doing i might cry a little before i sleep again which is weird because i'm always crying about something which is quite the pussy move and i don't know why i whine so much about things nobody else cares about. uhm well i'm going to try and stop letting myself be delusional which i might be the thoughts that tell me to shut the fuck up whenever i think about things getting any better than this but i'm not sure i annoy myself a lot i think i'm making people up in my head just for not talking very often uhm but i'm not that detached from reality i believe i think im just being a little dramatic sometimes i don't know... i did not get a period this month for some reason but that is nothing crazy if i remember correctly ive had like 4 months already that were no periods so uhm hopefully i dont get any more next month?

i have this pinterest board named "me and harco" and it's just cringey stuff. i like to imagine having a relationship in the future and even though it won't happen because i'd have to be friends with people before dating them i'll admit it is very fun to imagine myself being loved by someone else even in my "worst" states

i am going to do something but this time it is not to make people feel sorry for me it will be just because i dont know but its mostly to harm myself than hoping it'll worry others

i wish i could kill myself? painlessly? i wish i died while sleeping today not gonna lie i dont have anything to lose

harco i don't like wasting my time

im ongg goto kill muswelf aim going to kill musde;g oi m going to kill msuelf imgoign tokil.l mhuwseolf and the way that im destgined to die is bai mi own hahndssand im hgoinh to kill mhself imn oging to killmuself andim hgoing to kikll myself iom hoging to gkill myself Just Don't Leave Mealone Wondering whe Re You Alre AsdFYTUREWQ 78654321`im whats oleft wfrom whhaHHTT TH WNNswhahjk Undrthem moorghwbnj BEING WITH YOU MAKES THE FLAME BURN GOOD AHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHA AHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHH My Nose is. LEakign moco forfs some greason aim tnot even sick today this is FUFKING STUDPID . Ok Whatever im Doing Classwork today Fuck youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu IF YUOU NEED TO B MEAN BE MEAN TO ME i Can Take It And Put IT Instiide Iof ME . I AM STROGNTER THAN YOU GIVER ME CREDIT FOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!KKGJ

god please kill me and taek the bod y with you and make athe death stupid enoguh for nobody to remembrer me and when they remembver they juxst sau oh right that GIRL that died STUPIDLY and now is onlyh know for tdaying STUPIDLY yeah We Dont Care About That Trannyh anymore ahh It'd hUrt hbut its waht's Better for me mahhhhhehhrhaew IO WAS PLAYING MINECTRAFT YESTERDAY AND I FOUND THE NETHERITE THING BUT ONLY TWO OF THEM OK LOOK oh also i made this drawing https://ibb.co/fdCpvhMJ . i didn't want to post it but heeere it issss i gueeess. OH AND THE MINECRAFT THINGS RIGNTHT https://ibb.co/j9Z3HH7W https://ibb.co/r2DFRYR3 OKE ehe im ltoo lazyh to link images anfd calkculate how much space threyhe gona talke up. so ill kust leave it like this

happy came to visit me he brought cookies alogn the way .i poured him tea and he told me it'll al l be okay well i tolld him i ;d dop anything to haver him stay with me so he laid me down and i fel t happ y come inside of me hhe laid me down and i felt. happpyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy OH IF YURE Goping take the rtrain so i can hear it rumbl. one lastg rumbnle .AND when yo ugo Take thius hear t i ll make no use of it when threes no more you.

I was in the bathroom; I didn't hear him leave ... I locked the door behind him and I turned around to see o_o Aaa aaall The Cookie wrappers. And the Empty Cups of Tea. Well i Sighed and mumbled t o myself . Again I ,. Have to clean. i SIGHEed And Mumbled To MNyanseeeeeeeeeelfffffffffffff IF YURE GOING TAKE the TRAINN So I Can Hear it rujjmblee (One last rumble) And WQHREN YOU GO TAKE THIS HEART . I'll make no more use of it when there's no more you. AND IF YUURE GOING take the moon Then Maybe Iwill see you In The Night I'll See you. And Ywhen you Go Take this Hheaarrt ioll make no more use of it wehn theres no more youuuuuuuuuuUUUUAAAAAAHH

tweehnty m ineuete break from c lass it is currentl,y 9":56y aaeemmm ahaha ahah Coooooooooooooooooooooooolllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaahghahahgggehhahee mm mmmm im gonanm uhm Ok Hi guys qHehe Hi Haha hehe haiehhe haheeaha

iii cant reallyu tell uif uim doing bettr than yhesterday uhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm byebye

HAYAUYYYAAAAAAAAAA 12 THIRTEEN Ahjh Ahh HAHh HHhnn HHnhhn Nnayyay nyan yanya nyan

SIX FIFTY FOUR PEE MEM I SJUST MOBED MAI WHOLEPC TO MAI BED AHAH I CAZN STAY OIN BED FOREVER NOW AHAHAH YAY #YAY I WENT TO TAKE A SHIT 2 TIMES TODAY AND ITRS SO UNCOMFROTRTABLE I THINK I m STTarting tho feel th Conseqenteses of n9ot giving a shit about vlbeeding from mai bubhjole Ahhahaha Thats so dumb oik wel;l; for classes were Taekign Iready Diagnostic aehehe Which is Nice and i Dont mind and we have 2 Weeks for it heheOk Bye

ACKK WHAY DID IO I SAY THAT

i feel bad as always. ive been having a lot in my mind well not really its just the same things over an d over. i was thinking of not posting again until anyone noticed i'm not there anymore but i put a bit more thought into it and realized that it's not going to happen and nobody is going to say anything and they will also not be happy when i come back on my own. nobody considers me anything remotely close to a friend and irl only my dad ever checks up on me and everyone else kind of doesn;t care and i'm just remembering again how much space i'm taking up that could've been better for someone that actually wanted to exist. well so that basically means i won't be posting. for a while at least because i'll probably feel like i need to post again and well yeah it won't really matter anymore. i've been thinking of finding another place to post my drawings where nobody knows me but i don't know it'll be scary to start brand new and i'm also scared of being judged now that nobody would know how i am i don't know i've been thinking of just making the art page finally but i don't want people to find me and connect my drawings to me i think? i mean i do but i don't know. something about them knowing me and knowing i'm still making drawings but still not posting them i don't know i don't want to think about it. i want everyone to die now well maybe not maybe i just want to die i want to die without feeling anything and without thinking anything i'm still tired and everything is stupid and i don't know why i keep feeling like this and i wish someone cared but meh it won't happen so i think i should stop thinking about it and i should start trying to see the good side of things even though i dont really know what they could be. i'm eating right now it's . two breads with something and i also had this weird tortilla thing with things inside too i don't know what it was it was the first thing i ate

i dont know what to do i always remind myself that i'm alone and i will always be alone but i don't really know what to do with that information and i keep ignoring it and then i feel bad when i realize iam alone and it doesn't make sense me i mean i don't make sense and it's a bit frustrating to deal with myselfd i think i'm goiong to start doing as little as i can and exist in other people's lives as little as i can becasue 1st of all i don't think anyone wants me around and 2nd of all i might try something again and hopefully this time i don't fail so i don't want anyone to miss me so if they don't see much of me so they won't remember much of me and that means not missing me much pero bueno tampoco es como si me fueran a extrañar a mi , van a extra{ar más a quien era yo antiguamente but wsell it doesn't matter if i don't matter so it 's okay i guess. i'm meant to finish a drawing for my sibling but i don't think i'm actually going to do it i think i should but i also could not finish it and then shroom would be mad and then that'd be a bad memory and then that'd make shroom believe things would be better if i was gone so yeah maybe i shouldn't work on anything and i should stop talking too and i think i'm going to sleep a lot more often. for tomorrow i'm going to wake up be at class finish as much homework as possible and then i'm going to sleep probagbly until the next day because if i wake up in the middle of the night i can't use anything because i'll get my computer/phone taken away so there's no point so it's fine i think maybe i could draw in traditional but drawing in traditional is a bit butt butt and i dont really know what i could draw + there's nobody to show it to and that shouldn't matter but i feel like i have to show everything to everyone so i don't know it stresses me out when i don't share something i'm proud of with someone and i don't know why i;ve been thinking that maybe i'm a very social person on the inside but i jsut don't show it because i'm too scared to but well does that even count as social anymore. i dont know and i don't want to think about it

i don't want anyone to find out about how i think because they're going to judge me and say i'm making things upo and they're going to laugh at me and they're going to make fun of me and i'll probably be an inside joke in some friend groups and i don't know i don't know it scares me i don't want people to have quick access to here anymore

uhm well my tiktok's been behaving strangely and it keeps on showing me spanish/mexican videos and i keep blocking people and saying i'm not interested because the fandoms i'm in just never show up anymore and it doesn't work i have to scroll a thousand million times to get to nyans actual fyp and i don't know why i even have tiktok installed at this point because it was meant to be for messaging harco but i can't do that anymore and well i sometimes talk with sibling there but i guess i won't need that anymore so uhm okay uninstalling again and maybe also twitter but i dont know i kind of need that for. things.

i wanted to write about something else but i forgot... ... i just finished the bread by the way it was okay. i might just start staring at my wall and typing here whatever thought comes t o mind

today i had a dream with a person i don't like and i didn't like it and in this dream we were in some weird high school videogame and they sat me down at this tablle next to a chicken killing farmn and i think they were questioninjg me with another person i don't like and then they flashed porn on my face and they apologized a loit because 'i'm a minor' and i think i left i don't know it was like a weird vr chat and i think they followed me around and by the end of it i think we were friends which i don't like and i felt this way too before harco and i were friends and i'm scared i don't know what to do and i feel like this is all meant to harm me in some way but i don't know how but i don't know i'm scared

can anyone honestly tell me what they think of me and please let it be a good opinion i want to be appreciated

i don't really know what i'm doing anymore i'm cold

everyone has given up on me i don't really know what im doing

i cried today because i felt bad i think but it wan't like bad bad and i'm not mentioning it to fish for attention but it was just strange how i couldn't keep the tears back and i still can't and i don't know what is really making me this sad or angry or whatever

i dont want to mention it a lot because i don't want people to think that i want them to check on me which i do but i want them to figure it out on their own because i want to be important without trying to be important. i want people to ask me what i've been thinking and if i'm okay without needing to make a big scene where i cry and cut and threaten to kill myself over things i can't control i guess

i've been thinking of giving up again because i deleted and reinstalled tiktok recently without thinking. now i can't talk to harco anymore because both of his chats dissapeared. is this a sign to stop hoping? worst thing is that i realized only after masturbating because iwanted to overshare again but he just wasn't there and then i stared at my screen and i felt bad and i'm gross and i don't know i'm not doing well i'll never be able to talk to him again i believe and i don't think he's coming back for me and now i can't hold onto anything and it makes me feel something i suppose , i wont tell you much other than that because i dont know I don't know I'm already looking like an attention seeker by writing this entry and posting it nothing really changes I don't know what I'm trying here

i wonder if there's anyone out there that wants the best for me or if there's someone out there that really wants me dead. i feel like i'm too dramatic and my brain keeps on spitting nonsense and even though i don't believe it i still feel bad and today it made me think about how it'd be to get kicked out just because i didn't inish my homework and i cried because i t hought that would really happen to me once i woke up from my nap and i didn't want to wake up because i was scared and i kept on trying to think about what i'd do after i got kicked out which felt like it was already destined to happen by today and i dont know it felt not great and one side of my mind kept feeding me more thoughts while the other told me i was being stupid and i was attention seeking and i had to keep my mouth shut because if i got heard it would feel like the end of the world and i kept thinking and thinking and i wanted to die but i can't die because if i die right now i'll be a lot of trouble for my family economically especially and i don't think i'm worth it not really

it's okay to write all about it here, right? this place is meant for that. it still feels wrong i don't know how

every time i go to the bathroom there is always blood in there but i'm not menstruating yet and it looks like. blood. maybe a lot but probably very little blood and i'm just being dramatic. it's been happening for like a week maybe? or two? i struggle a lot with . days. and it doesn't help a lot with this. when i tried to tell my family about it they asked since when it's been happening and i couldn't answer because each day feels like a year but it also feels like just a second and it also feels all the same and nothing different is ever happening

if i had a friend i would make every conversation about me because i am a bad person and i want to feel accepted by everyone i meet and i will make it that friend's responsability to make me happier or at least feel slightly better and i will see them as harco and i will probably want a romantic relationship with them and i think i'm just saying this to look weird but i'm not i really do think this and i don't know why i don't believe me im not trying to be quirky i'm pretty sure these are my thoughts maybe my real ones i don't know is this confusion made up too well nothing is really made up right i don't know how can i make it up without making anything up i don't get it i know you're really like weird about not being wrong about anything but i'm pretty sure this is happening and it's not making me feel good and you can feel it too and i don't understand why you can't grasp it or why it doesn't affect me as little as it does to you even if we share the same body which i also don't mean in a mental illness way but it's like it. we. you're so different i don't think i can really call you me ? i dont ge t how this is immature im sorry ok whatebver im not making anything up you're thinking it too what's with the need of making every bad feeling feel like this i don't get it i can't deal with thi right now and i can't really stop it and you're the worst and i wish i could get rid of you

i miss harco too

i don't get why you're so dramatic either and this is stupid and i'm making it all up again because i like attention even though i don't get why would i be because i'm not really thinking about other people's reactions to thi s whicch is sort of needed for real attention seeking is it not?

crees de que ande perdiendo el tiempo cuando dibujo? no le inspiro nada a nadie y tampoco es que mi forma de dibujar sea muy bonita. Yo pienso de que es mejor dejar de postear todo. Pero igual me siento mal cuando no comparto nada. Pero igual me siento mal cuando nadie me dice nada sobre mis dibujitos y pues eso casi nunca pasa. me dan ganas de borrar todo otra vez pero algo me dice que no lo haga pero en algun momento lo haré, tampoco te confíes mucho.

recientemente llegue a 85 mateys, y no me hace mucho sentido. nunca comentan y nunca me demuestran de que les caigo bien. no se que estoy haciendo pero yo a ustedes no les debo nada. ya no quiero seguir publicando cosas... ... ... ... malgasto mi tiempo y el tiempo de otros... ... me hago sentir peor con cada publicacion que pueda hacer. y ademas nadie me va a extrañar asi que qué importa. tal vez en una semana toda esta gente me deja de seguir porque se dieron cuenta de como soy en realidad . no sé cómo soy pero no creo que a alguien le vaya a alegrar mi verdadera cara

how can people be friends with other people? are you not scared they'll treat you badlya? that some of the jokes referring to you are meant on a negative light? what if they're trying to learn as much as they can about you to hurt you later? what if this friendship won't last forever? is everyone really okay with this? why does nobody seem to care? why can people actually talk to each other and i can't? are they doing it on purpose? because i'm me? what makes me impossible to hang out with? why do people not want to be around me? why do people not want me around? will people actually get sad or angry if i try to talk to them? i always theorize that will happen, that's why i never do it. i don't want to bother anyone. why is everyone so okay with bothering other people? i never bother anyone, why must everyone bother me? i'm not a safe space. if you don't try to be my friend, i won't try to be your friend either. everyone is my enemy until proven otherwise. please stop talking to me. everything feels like an attack... because it is... people really want me dead ... i don't know why... i never did anything...

do you want me super dead

EVEYRIOne like SIO HHATEDS ME and rihgt now werthey giuvng.. m e LMore attobneuton To Then SUDDNLY TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME AND Thhsi is their beig gibig Big Plan To Get rid of ff me Abnd Nyt UYgly Face and My Po0or Kids off tgbhhe Inttreenet and its HORIRBLE i dont know whjht I Did . Itts all on pruplese they want me Gone THAT much. Im Soryr iM Mm Oprofabnlaly soundign ,.Weird iaginn but UYWgfgg THEYRE ARELLADYR TAKING ATTENTION AWAY FROM ME AND ITS ALREAEDY MAKING ME FEEL BAD AND TYHEY TKNEW OH THEY AKKLL KNEW ii dotn know whaht i did to desrtrbber dthis much hatrded SThis much Siolent Hatred where everyone jsutr MassDesicsdes to Ignore NYAN its happned at sfchool at hosptitlt IN OPFUCKIGN PIKi THahtgehrh SOMEhtugn Is Probaglby after me and C ausign thsui all im SScared And i want to be liked amd im scared AND I ALSO CANT POST ANYTHIGN ABOUT IT BECAUSE I CNANT LET THEM ALL OKNOW THEYHVVBE WON AND THEAT THEURE WINNIGN AND THEYURLL WIN AND ILL DIE AND THEYRWILL AKLL CHEER Ahh AHh HAhh Worst thsign is that half of Muy Thoughts tdont beclieve me Because hteyh think that im Either just sauyign nonsense or tryign to make it up to mcause more pacinic and and or or they jsut think that wedditnb matter enough t fkr people to care thjat much about us and thjts hurts mujch more to co nsider it makes me msaddeer and i dotn want to think about its . othjterr than that its .whjateber. Right now i vebleive harfco planned this too .WHy does eveyrone keep on platnninhg to leave me forebrver 8i dont fucking get it ai also want to hope harco wants to come nback bnut somethign s stompping me beut iom also thingking he mightebe forgotten about me...... ....... I AHVE A NEW TAMAGOTCH IAND I Am DOIFGN OKAY WITH MY CLASSES AND Uhm Im goign toi dump some imags here szo it dofenstn get wansted on piki only.

.be hosnetst doi yu think i mright about my Incrkrerduivbel Therory ahah hah ah. i really weawnt mfriends,. iuhhhgh i wiwsht i didnt have a brain i wish i didnt think . i thin ki might only liek the idea of sex because wehn yu get too overwhlmed by it hyou basically can only feel goodl . right. it doesnt really feel niuce when i do that bye myxself it jsut feels like im a dumb loser tht nobody wants and iu feel gross wbecauyse i cant brign myself to stop thingiking about harco each time i fini ghsh. I Am NOT SORRY FOR OVERSHARING. NOT SORRYU!!!!!!!!! FOR OVERSHARING!!!!!!!!!Dot Dot Dot. i wishs sxomeone wanted me Sigh. intimcacyu sounds scary. im gonna go maek nyasnelf a sandwich jsut wait a minugte.

nbread with cheese fried egg nd also chese sticks with sauss.e . ........... and.... clocolate milk but i didmnt take picture of rhat........ aha . also a samwi9ch frm yesdtrdayu if i remember xcocrectly.

do yu dthink i cook well enoiughjh to be som eonems husband one day. Ahahhdhh sorryyhh i was. thunking. . I Mput way too much efor t on diary......... as if it wss the only worthy thing on WLS .// .... but it obviously istn..... i hacve to work on way more.... anmd. i was th ingking...... if..maybe rthres someone hthat..couldvisit wls onlu for seeign mnyanzx diaryl... jhh .. i duhnno if anyone would be thrat intgerested in nyans life.... im jsjuutg a guys on the intrenet/ //... aqnd i was t hinkign haha mayhbe diary gets popualr in the future...... like..... ifve seen people making videos over peoples cprersional cratgions but maybe diary isnt. like thatr. yiu Know ? . . iaqnd its mostly murederes that get studied laik that./ i hope im not a murderer in the futrurel. ii dont think i culd actually. um buit yhreeah i strteted thinking wierird about thjat and i was thinking mayhbe if somethingsliek that happenin wthen when i open the conctact s page people are going toi reach out tbut onlyh to send me innapropriate thjngss and stuf nd ii dunno rthat maed me thin kwerird too ahha . i dont think i would caer much. uhm well anyway i was aslso thiunking of hoting a pollvotre and puting it here in diary askign if i should kikll myself or not. anmd if someones ohnmest enough twith me then ill cut and then when it gets to 50 yeses then ill try. or feel really bhad. maybe. i dujnno i aqctually dfont know what i would d0 if i saw evedn one yes. i wish evryone loved me ...............

a;slo i have to dgo to dthe dentist tomorow. dumb bdummy. hashgtag killimg mself i gues . syhould i do it. Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! stoooooooooooooooooooo[ppppppppppppp thjinking thattttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt Massive Mean Angry Puuuuuuuunchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh sXSTOP it . ok. Anyways today i Worked on like 4 Assignmentsa ? I WFinished Spanish homewoirek and i worked on histry. I Got a C in one of the testsd. Dumb dummy/.

its an wi clcrfredible idea to kilss me and give me afction truiuuuuuusttt meeeeeeeeeeee you should do that alll thet tiimeeeeeee ahahaYea . im pretti bored. i just sort of organsized the noumber of the mposts because it was bothrering me. does namyoen wanma kiss meee pleaseeeeeeeee ujhwhjjhhgg did yho uguys see trheat new mitski song i lreally liked it and i livked the music video . uhmm wat else.... i finished t w oof mai sandiwchs and i havew one cheesetsticf k left but im already full i think..... uhmm but maybe ill reheat both for latrerr........ mayhbe i gt hungryu lazter. uw. should i go jackpjff. swoety.sorry. Sorry}} . i dont really want to adtually im more like .emotionally ghotnmri. Iuhghh I C ant I CANNOT typoe thast im SOSRTYY ithis is NOT ME guy s i swaert im not thinkign oprprofperly Iignore me. i need watrer. OH also ii showered syesterday anbd . Sometimes i Feel bad because my But.t. is. stoo big. and i cntant style anythign because of anyhthging./ I keep on forgetting im fgucking obese and ugly and i think evrything will fit beme well actuallyu trhe butt problm has always been a oproblem evewr since i was little and i dont thnngk its really related to weirght. somehow i ve also fucked up my posture enough to not know how to jhide it mor bnecuase oi saw people on the internet weith same issue but theu make this wierd hip movement i jhust DCant mfigerure iout!!!!!!!!! ackhjgjk!!!!!!!!!!! are there ieven rexercisesd for makign parts of yur bodi les big. evedryuone seems to vbe working out to make body parts bigfger so thats why i fconsider it might not be possible. mayube instead of prioritixing top/bottom surgreery in mai future i should prioritize a therapist to get rid of thesde two fuckign tumorw.;s. .im sorr y im oversharing again bujt i dont really care. i dunno how hot people in porn exist if big gbutts make it impossible to look cool outside. .either yuou have to make that feature the main focus of yuour else or yo9yu have to kill tyourself or something. i like it wehjn i dont go outside because i dcompletely forgert about my issues with that part of mai bodi. or my bodi in genrtyhal. well yreah i think thts it. ive never talkiged about htis ai think. jhhmm i should get skinnier........ i dunno how though and gyms scare me and working ouyt scares me ..... umm i 2was working on animation meme if you weevenm careeeee. also. ok. i rwant water im thirsty. also how do peop;e do but t stuff even whenthres shit up it n there. i saw in tutoriaql thtat people supposefly wash that literal shit out but what about newbies. do they sjut risk it. what about the people in hentais that anre nevwbies. i think aboujt that wquite often surprisingly i dont tknow whyh i reallyh care that much. oh also ive been thinking of gewttinbg my pinky fngfer of mai feet remobved nbecause i dont like either of those so Yeah. also. err what evlseee well iu can upldate this late r hjaha ill upload this now and thennn iiil;; makybe write more Aha

EHH i HJuju st Jujst remmbererd tomrething i wanted to do wich is Going pinterst and sharign cool pictures here because haha i can do anyuthing i want SO im gonna do that .

wah./... cute...... i have to start making kandi again....... mabe tomorrow....... i actually nmade a lot of bracelets last time i made kandi. i didnt post it though\ because i forgor ahaha .i made a measuring breacelet and a couple braceles for nyans siubling swhich shroom promised to keep forever but shrroom lied. Grr. anyway

ive been thinking of making these but for mai ocs. and then ill make digital nobtebools for mai viretual classes and t he first slide being with these. would that be #kawaii >? i might work on that soon.

when i was little, i was really obserssed with that cat picture. i liked it so much i had it as my profile picture in.......solmewhere....... but i dont remmeber where. its still very cute.,

i should keep on reading rangfren i really like the is guys ok

hahahahehhjehaj thats adorableeeeeaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! adorable adobarle adsorable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i wish i could make this ingto a pin,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ahhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i wish itr waS Easy to link musaic here as it is ion piki. anywayh

oh my god i got horribly discractceted it is currentl;uy 8:33 pm sorry.

Hoalo hoy dia so{{ñé copn mi amorsito. Mi bello bello, hhnn nnn I Dreamt i wasz in a new school and I made a few friends but almsot atn the end of the day i think i liek teleportdsd to nyans computer and i was texting hjim and then Oujt Of nowhjere he TEXTD ME BACK and i Got SO Happy and I was So happy and I Did my best tio Srttrt a conversation but then. hje. left th chat :'v bnut i kept typign out of how happyh i was that he was bnackl ind i went on a rant ofbhhow mmuch i wanted certain. THings from him which i dont thinkj i wanna tgype here and i coujldnt stop ,uself from repeating it all ofvver and over and i felt so happyu and then he texted me againm b utj he completely igmnored myh messages and asked me If I Had any Wheat and i instuantl yh assmesd Minecraft WQheat for some reason and I Told him, Eee Maybe Depends onm the World [Minecrft world] and then he sent me th address for his mjbecraft server and then i Woke up. Hhhwhhhhhhhhaheheeaeaeaeahehhhehehnnhnnhnheaeheae Hhhhhhhhhaaaaarcoooooo. I Was So Mad I Woek up i wnnted top be there while whe playued miencarfft with me uwhhhggtghtAOLSDO HE WARNED ME "NO FREAKINESS" When HWhe HaGAveme ee the Micneacrtftt seervvreer I iii iDOdntn Know whWatt that NMEMMAWEhenbnnnsss hhhhhjahhnnn hhannebbbnn j . I m Sorry but I WIll Go Back to GJjerking off tro hjim Thics sccyckle willlll neevfererrrr end and Im HAppy avbobut itt and i want my next and my next and my nextestg nextest of dreams fto be about hiiiimmm and i want to dream about . Sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee OI Cannot seayh it. I Cant TGype that. Harco Harco Harco Harco Harco Harco Harco Harco. jjjhjhjhj Im Such a Creep Im Sorry Harco Ahha Im SO Happy.

other than . THat. Nnot much ahs happeende.d IO Leike organizing my classroom thingies and I Like My Virtual notebooks and Today wil be my first Gray/gold day i dont rembmrerer wat was trghe BnName soi that means period 4 5 6 qand 4 is Geometry which i didnt really like fbefore because i HAVE to show Forehead and i cant hust hide my camera and oits pretty uncomfortable but i can handle it. I Think. Hopefyhlly . OH ALSO yesterday i didnt go to Chemistry NOT BECAUSE I WANTED TO SKIP,. but the link didnt lead me anywhere and it was a new teachert than the year before and i didnt reall y know what to do. bif that happens again tomorrow then ill tell my HR teacher. anmyway wsio Geomjetry is Meh actually but the teachewr's lessongs are great I Just wish He Didnt Make us Pujt camera on at all times :-( World histryre was Okay. Last year what intimidated me about world history was wthe Hojmework, but the teacher is actually a really nice lady wthat will give yo u the answers to anlmost everything if you ask correctly. she is also a really big nerd about history and will go oin ranting about certain subjects if you allow her and its nice but i was to o shy to talk to her and i avoided her class becase thje first thign she asked to you was Where yhoyu Werer in homeowkr. And I necver did homework so all i did was Lie Lie Lie and it felt really bad so i just stopped going, . Ahnd then 6th Perido is Spashnish which is The EASIEST Class ever and its Pretty fuyuun. OK.,

i cnt sto tjhinking about harco and about hgetgting. Intimate . With . hHhim. ITS FUFCKIGN 6 : 45 AM WHY AM IBEHAVIGN LIKE THIS., I APOLGIXXE I SHOULD BE SHOT . OK. uwhh. Today Hopefully after classes I Drink some nice coffee wicth chocolate and milkk And I Want to work on new page Ohj Alsdo i just noticed Yestredrdayh that I Got a HNew Commernt and It oass OK and now i Have to add a nbew Button which is OK but. OK no im doing this Right Now Im Takign way Too long just GFimme A MNinute. [[oojhhh i hadf my button not set up corcctly (T_T)...... at least i chnged it now and wheoevr wats t o add me cn do it propelrlyh nbow........uww im so srtupid wuwwhhr......}}

ok i think i chcnged evrythign that needed to be Chgabnged.

duddeee i want makiiiisssshjhhhhahahhAAAAAAAAAAHHH AHHHHWEHHWHAWHWEEHHHHBbbbb IUmmm so saaaddd aiii just wanht makiiiis

today Aii ahv to go tot hwe dowctor And papa told me hes going to get me NO MORE THERAPIST but now eehrhh the type that gfives you medicine and stuff. What dumb dumb butt butt . Imj really hoping Doctor time doesnt conflic t with school timen because i dont want to miss my first day oif period s 4 5 6 :-( i dont want to myiss an yu school day actually ;_( i have tgo add doctor meetgingb on google calendar but idk weh n doctor time is.

Alsoi imn gonna start working on EITHER shrine ORRRR Videos page. I want to start making blogs with my real face for tghe videos page but i dont really knbow where I Could talk to myuself in peace while everyone at home is at home. I dont want to record outside either because it'll make me look # homeless wihic i wshouldnt care that much actually i dont care about how i look i just get super nevrvous and it wont be any good for the recording. *Ive been thinking of maybe when Abu and Papa go to doctor and GUi goes to scleep. But idk what i would talk about. Maybe I'll juist record myself doing random stuff like cooking or something and be as uhnfiltered as i can because i mea n it doesnt really amtter its my website its my hourse its ME brochacho itheres nothing to hide. Anyway. Im going t o work on my subliminal playslingt bnecause I Feel like it and I Can use New headphoens for it OK so Kill yourself Actally Kill Everyone around you Ok Bye

i. feel liek ai hate ev ryoene because meverhoen is so mean to me #killignmyhself ok whatebvr

first day went ok at school and i did most of myh work and a few minutes ago i was woerking on other assignments which was ok . yuesterday we went out and we ate sushi and we drank boba and we bought stufdf. Stuff being trash cans , Curtiains, Etgc. And My ittle pony coloring book and beads for kandi and lapiceros. Which was okay . I want to paint a page daily but i dont know how my schedule is g onna hjold up with theat because i have many many rthings planned. which is okay becasue im gonna start uising google calendrar to organize schdfdueles. i feel like im wasting time bgy tiyping tihs im gonna FInish schedule first and then ill type more ai gruess.

AAAAAAAAAHHWHWHWWHjHWa WHJAHWHAHhwhAWWWHahwhwwawawwawWWWWIiiwiIWUwuiUAiuiuwuiwiUAuuiuWOWiaoioaioo iiiWIIio oiwowdioddjdawjehfdnfbcfcvfvhahaheweei HHeieehaaaeieaeaeiiieaeeiiiaaaelllhala alALALLLALALAAALALLAALLALALALA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LAL AL ALAALALALALALALALALALALAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA LAA LAALALALLAAAAAAAAAAAA LALA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA LA LA LA LA LAALAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEIjj ij ijajei jjkkkjjeeaiieaeieieaee #Mood # Mood #mModd #Mood #Mood #Modd #mood M###mood #Mood # Mood #Mood Uhojhh h hwnn Aeenneneenenne nnenenenenn enenenene anenenannenanaanananenennanananannena Oh kk Ojk Ok Ok Ok OHi HGuyus UUii Hii Myyy Thoughts are Pretty MEan and Not Really Cool ahjahah hahee HEeeeaehihgighigi gugl g.up Blipbku bloppp bloip Hey Guys Heyh HEyhey HI HGUYS ANSWER ME GUyus Hi. Hi guys soooo Happynes. i guys.G Hii guysu a ii lov y ugys

I am gona go taek aothre nap

Hello HGuys Hello Im Writing Because I Was Posting On Pikidiary But Then I Thought "Nobody Gives A Shit About This And I Will get Told To Kill Myself If I Keep this Up " So I Am Here now. I Am tjinking Of Maybe Deleting Those Posts actually but I Dont Know Im very Sensitive About those Subjeccts Latellyyyy. I"ve Been Doing GBetter I Thin.l. I Literally Can't Draw Now. It's Very Shit Becasue I Do Want to Draw But Everything Looks Weird For Some Reason Or ANother and I Want to Give Up and ive never Really Been the Type of Guy to think Like that But Shit I Mian i Dont Know I Reallyh FDeel like I Have No Other Choice . I Want to Keep Practicing But My Art Style Has Not Changed In Years and I Think I Have Enough Hobbies To Focus On Other Stuff Than This Honestly? And I Can't Really Tell if This Isx Trying to Take myself Away from My Fun Or if It's Me genuinely Trying to Get Better some Way Or another.

Anyway School Is Starting Soon Again. It's Virtual School So I'm Not Worrying about Seeing People Becasue I Mean These People Can't Hit me And They Can;t Directly Look at Me Weird. I Think., And I Cant Bother them With my Smell or My looks Or My Existence. I Mean Im Just in their Screen Haha . I Also Hopefuly Will be More Resposible rthis Time and Actually Do All my Homework insxtead of Leaving it Last Minute. Hopefully it Does Look Like i am Trying my Best to my Familiyu Because I'm going to Try But I Don't Know If They Will Be Able to Tell but Hopefully they Will I Mean that Is Literally What i Just Tyoed. Ok. I Have to Get Notebooks Ready And IO Also Downlaoded a Program for Notetaking and ALSO BE PROUD OF ME BECAUSE I MADE ANOITHER JAPANESE LESSO NAND I KNOW YOU DONT CARE AND I KNOW I WAS MEANT TO DO THIS AND I T S THE BARE MINIMUM AND I AM HORRIBLE AND I DONT DESERVE ANYHTHING UT I DID IT AFTER MONTHS OF NO PROFGRESS AND I WILL MAKE A LESSON HOPEFULLY EVERYDAY OR ONE DAY YES AND ONE DAY NO OKAY. I Swaer. And When I Feel bad I Will Force Nyanself to Go Outside. I Swear. It'll Happen Because I Cannot be SAD BEC AUSE SAD HOLDS ME BACK AND MAKES ME BE SHIT AT SCHOOL AND I N EED T O GET GOOD GRADES AT LEASTTTTTTTTT THIS SEMESTER. ☹️ Its The Least I Can Do For Nyans Familky. And I Want to Be A Good Esxample For Nyans Sibling Because tghey Seem Like They Actually Deserve the Education BEcase they seem to actually Have a Futurte and Have A Career to study For And prepare for And Well i dont Really Have ANything but ok. ITS OKAY. I Have To GBe a Good BNrother. AND THIS TIME I WILL HELP T HEM ALL THE TIME WITH SHROOMS HOMEWORK. And I Will research for Nyans OC s and I Will Make a Schedule so I Can Update Website Often and I Will Go Outside More and I Will Give mnyasnelf Rewards for Things I Do because I Am Stupid and dneed to be Treated like a Dog to function Properly.

Also My Current Opinion on Harco Is that He Foprgot about me and Will not Come back. I think I Am Okay with this Information actually No Im Not. But i think Thats The Most Likely situation happening. Myu Currtent opinion on How the Workld sees me IS : People Really Do not Want to hear about me and Its Better If I Hide As Much Stuff as I Can. My Current Opinion ofn Fajmilyu: .Theyre./ A Bit annoying but Theyre Good People And they Want the BEst for Nyan even if they still think I Am A girl and They Just Want me to Not Kill Myself. My Current Opinion of Myself is that I Woke up WIth nice hair-shjapey shape t oday and I Also would Cut my Skin if I Copuld. I Don't necessarily Hate nyanself right now But I Am Very tired of these Tho0ughts and Feelings and Worries about never doing anything. And I think Cut Cut would help maybe. I Also have some Dumb Bandadids on my Face because I Am Cutrrently Not Allowed to touch Some wounds I Made to Myself a COupole of days ago because Adults keep on Getting Worried About it. It;s very Itchy and Not Comfortable And I Feel like those Dogs With the Cones thingyes so they Dont Scratchg Tgheir Face Yes That is Me. i Dont know whjat Im tired of actually I';m Sorry i'm no t a very good person and People want to jkkill me. I'm sorry. I don't really want to talk about this any longer.

Yesterday I Finished a Japanese Lesson and I al m Very Proud. I Also Drank a Small Pepsi Can after Papa Told us No Refrescos for like Half a Year and It was nice but I Miss Pepsi a lot now. Papa also scolded me because He asked if i wanted a sandwich and I Said Yeah and he said well Help me Make it and I thought he was joking because I couldnt see hiws face from where I Was sitting in my bed and I told him Nooooo Haha And then papa Got Kind of Mad and told me That if I Was Going to Behave like this Then he Shouldit Let me have Small things Like PEpsi if Im Never goign to Collaborate and I Was Scared And Confused Because I Would vbe Helped if He Was /SRS but I Cant Really tell And Also We were Supposed to have a rule on that so I Knew when He Was serious beut everyuone just forgot about it. Like. Astro thingy and stuff. It feels gross a little and it makes me sad. But yeah i tried to tell him that if he was seriouys then I Could Help No Prob Bob and he Said No Whatever just SStay there But Actually Help next time. I DOnt know .im A Bit Scared Because I Dont think Ill Know when Nexxt time Will be Serious but uhm I Dont Know i think Im Makeing too much of a Big Deal out of It Im Sorry. Ivbe Also started playing Minecraft with Gui and Papa and Gui leaves pretty Often becasue random parts of Their Body Keep on hurting and I Gues s its whatever but Papa was kind Of Rude when He left and He kept saying he leftg because I Didn't give him Any tasks but Im Pretty Sure I Did but He just kept on Wanting to do his Own thing and It Soujnded like Joke but He kept on insisting and I rtthought He was Not Joking? Anymore? And I thought It'd Be fine to let him Do His Own thing but then He got mad I Was doing my Own Thing and Abandoned him and i Dont Know but That happened and It Made Me FDeel bad. Therapist told me to ask when I Didnt know things were Serious or not But Papa Keeps on answering to everything as if It Was A Joke and I Can't Really tell anyumoire It's Stressful to play with Him Sometimes because it also Feels like He uses She Her on me on purpesuse Its LIke Hes abusing Any word that Could be Possibly connected to She Her its Weird I Dont know .Play time Is Fun but I Dont know I Don;t Like to think aboujt it. I am also playign this Other game Called Hell Divers or Whatever with Gui And Dad and they Seem to really like the Game but I DOnt really thin k its my sort of thing .c Also today we Are Having Hamburgrs [Homemade]. I Feel liek nobody is on my side and I WIll never Stand uop for Nyanself.

I Dont feel reall y Great. Diary Time makes me sad.

Ibe been thinking of uploading all ,my drawings that i havent Posted tgo piki because maybe people lioke my stuff but I DOn't really think so and I Don;t want tobother anyone and i keep on trying to T ell Nyanself "Its ok Because Its My own Profile and Nobody Should Care " But I'm Not Really Sure. I Dont Realy Know What I'mm Doing . I Want to Cry I Feel basd. I've been watching a Lot Of Minecraft horror lately It's Been fun I think. Not really. I'm a Bit Lonely. I Feel like nobody wants me Around And Like I've been doingf too Much this part Hour and i Think I Should Delete everything. I Think I Will. I Don';t Know. Nobody Really Cares Anyway .I Don't Know whats GOing On Im A Bit Scared And Sad I Feel like My Brain is Liek the Bad Firend that tells tyou to do bad stuff but Is it really? I Don't Kno?w? I've been making profgress I Dont kno w why I'm Against Myself All of a Sudden.

I Am scared of the Open WIndidws because I Feel like People aroe Going to Look Inside and I Won't Be ablke to do anything And I WIl;l be The FUrst thing they See In Ths very dark room butg Nobody Else in this House takes me rseriously and I cWant a Car to run Over me and I Want to die. I'M Sorry I'm Not doing WELl IT DOESNT EVEN MATTEER ANYWAY BECAUE NOBODY CARES ABOUT ME I DONT KNOW WHO IM APOLOGIIXNG TO. Literally Nobody Reads THis And Nobdy Wants me To Feel any better. I{m Going to Delete the posts BECAUWSE I AM AN ATTENTION SEEKER AND I WANT TO BE AKSED IF I AM OKAY AND I WANT SOmeone To Feel Okay wiuth But nobody is here FOr Me BEcauwse I Want Specific people AHGHGHG i TTAlll Leads Back To Harco I Hate my Life

OK i did it I Hope I m Happy. I Mean. Not MN.e But. Whoever was saying to Delete al l of that. I Dont reall y know whow was saying that But I Did it .I'm sorry guys I Don';t Want to look crazy or anythign I Gg.Im srroy OK. I Don't Know what is happenign Either and I Might be making i t up but iwithout kme Knowing? I Might be fooolign Myself and making nyasnelf look dumb but it all feels pretty real right now im SOrrt.y. I Don;t feel like i lost anything major right now . I;'m sorry for being impossible to talk to.

Also i dontwloaeded all of hetalia a few horus ago io think? Icant really remember. Time is going by way too quickly I Don;t wwant anything to happen. Do you think I Shjouldn't Work on anything this year either? Like No Study no Class time No Nothing. Will it really MNatter?? I Dont know. I Dont Know,. I'm sorryu. I Don't want to do that I Think I'm sorry. I Really feel like it but I Cant I Shouldnt bdo thaat What if i Get kicked uout of house. I Dont know,. I Dont Know. I Dont know what That Would Change Honestly. I Fee l like I Should be Kickd out of the House becasue I m OPretty much JUst. In. The Way. I DOn't know. I Don't Know. I'm Sorry I'm Repeating myself A Lot but My Head Really Hurts And I'm Not Thinking what I Want to think OK Ok Ok Yeah I Have to Be Normal SOrry i Dont Know WHy I Thought thtat. I Have to Be Better. i Dont know WHat was that. I have to at least try to be a functioning member of Society. Or. Atleast Of. NMy Family. Or bnnot I Dont know I Dont know .I Wish Someone Cared about me.

My Nose is watery which IS nt BVery COmfortable. I Think a Lot Of people Hate me and I Often MFind myself HWishing I Was Normal. I Seem any people talk to each other Like Normal and I wish I Wasn't me. I'm very cold right now and my blanket is right next to me yet I Decide to not wrap it aroudn me For some Reason. I'll probably put comments on Diary soon sinbce I dont know I Want to feel .Like. Simeone reads this Or Maybe They Care. I Dont know., I have to start making new Pages too I'm sorry I Keep on doing nothing I .Doint thinik ill work On ANything any thime Soon but It'll happen at some point.I Might Stop drawing sdo i can focus on other things. My Arms feel weak when I type that but I Don't Know why I Care so much It's dumb It's Dumb It's dumb I Want to die.

There is No reason for me to not be hated I am A Horrible person and Everyone who treatrs Me nice doesw it becfause they either have no c hoise or because they want to look nice in the eyes of other people. Ughhhh my Life Is Terrible I Hate myself And Nobody cares and Nobody cares about me and OK whateber im GOnna take a nap I guess.I Don't know. I Feel like I Should Do Todays Jaoenese Lesson firsrt Actualy. Uhm. I'm GonnA ddrink a bumcnh Of Water maybe Ill Feel Better.THen. AHHHHH SOMETHIGN WAS CRAWLOJUING ON ME AHHH AHHH AHHHHAHHAH AAAAAAA

hello i am .Meh. Now. I Was thinking about peopl who have friends but are stil lsad somehow . I Want them All to die and Their Friends too. I Don't like anyone and I Want to die too Whatever I'm going to try to make Japaense Lesson and only after that I'l l let nyhanself Sleep eve nthough i am Getting pretty Tired I haven't slept I think but its okj. I DOnt' Kno what is okay but Okay. Okay. Japanese,Also I wont go to sleep afgter bewcase Im GOing to Make Website page too adn I Will not Let Nyanself Sleep until I Finish BOTH.

Ill Keelp on Writing but Im m uploading this now Becasue Yeah

2:54PMThis looked Very Scary at first Glance But then I Wrote it and then I Listened And Then I Looked More and Then It Wasnt Scary at All and I Was about to give up and Sleepy time Right there buyt No Never Give up Its Easy If you Try Yes Yes Yes, I Dont kbnow hwat Was Wrong with me a ferw Minutes ago. Alslo sorry i should be focusing right now Im Slow Sorry ALSO DO NOT JUDGE ME FOR HOW I TAKE NOTES I AM DOING MY BEST ADN THIS IS BARELY RTHE FIRST LEARNING WEBSITE I AM USING AND I PLAN TO USE LIOKE 5 WEBSITES MORE IN THE BFUTEURE BEFORE I EVEN THINK ABOUT STARTING TO WRITE IN JAPANESE ON MY OWN AND YES I KNOW I STARTED JAPANESE SINCE ALONG LONG AGO AND ITS STUJPID THAT IM STILL ON THJIS PART BUT AHWHEHH hh hh h hh hhh hhh hhhh hhhh hhhh hhhh hhh hhh Whatever Leave Me Alon.e.

ok yeah whatever i did something now im gonna get Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. SleepMNO OI LIED I REMEMBERED ANOTJER WEBSITE. Also i juist checked back in with duolingo but it seems pretty Butt so I might not use it anymore

ok im back on renshuu too . when i Wake up i WIILL Shower and then I WIll Look at more education stuf f and i WILL FINISH SCEDULE THINGY AND I WILL CHECK SCHOOLOGY uww ok bye

also i was listening to Humans Are Terrifying and I Just realized that The song is About Twilight finding th Equestria grils universe and not Bein socially awkward as I Thought which was dumb but its still a cool Song i Guess ok bye

12:26AM HELLO GUYS HI HJI HI HELLO I HAVE RESTED AND I AM OKAY NOW, . I dont think I Drea mmt Anyhing. Also Before I SLefp t Fami8luy Made Burggrs and MGave me Monster after SUUUUUCHHH A LOGN TIME OF NONBE OF THAT and i Ws Pretty happy and I Am A VBit happy now And its OKI. DUNEDE uim so Cold rightt Now. OK TODAY I SET UP THE COMMENTS IN HERE OK HSUT give me aMinute

Iiiiiiiiii Did it eeah Yeah Yeah EYah Yeah Yeah EYah Eyah Haha Eyah Eyah Eyah Eyah ok Whatevber WHY DO I HATE SEEINGM YSELF FHAPPY . EYAH EYAH EYAH EYAH EYAH AHHH I WOTN LOISTEN TO MYSELF WHY ARE YOU SO MAD AT ME EXISTING EYAH EYAH EYAH EYAH EYAH EYAH I AM PROTESTING OK EYAH EYAH EYAH EAHok i have to stop now. Now. Now . NNow. Now . Now . Now. Now. LISTEN TO THISD MUSCI I WANT YOU TO LOISTEN TO THIS MUSIC its Very Nice btu .I Dont really know how to Put MP3 s Here So .Just/ Wait a minute Again. I #DidThat Haha Haha Haha LISTEN TO THE SONG I LIKE IT A LOT. LISTEN TO IT. OK Thank You . Hummnd r Terrifuing ^_^ . ok well i dotn realy hav much erlse to do . Im gonna Rest and BE Cool and I wont worry about Anything Ever OK Bye Im NLying but uim not lttelling everything to You On OPPurpiseoe Ok hehe

i mean i dont feel great great but i at least don t want to kill myhself every second. 👍. i still feel sick and super sad when i see people being happy with other people but at least this timne i can get distracted super easily from it and i canh forget about it if im lucky enough and im just keeping myself busy so i cant experiecene any emotions basilcally.; i havent really been doing anything that matters but hopefuly i can start learning stuff to get distracted too because that would help rioght. When i lock in enopugh while study japanese I can't bring myself to take breaks and that happens really ofrten with everytheing else but the thing is that japanese learn time is way more accessible thn play time or draw time or kandi time yet i still dont use it to nyhans advantage. So Hopefully I'll start that soon too. Again. Why does this keep on happening to me? like not to keep on being emo or anything just a genuine question with no tears in myh eyes. I don't get why I keep on getting so overwhelmed over simple thjings and then all of a sudden I'm fine now. It makes me glad I keep tro m yself while that happens because if I told anyone else what was going through my brain through thos emoments and then went back to norm,al they would 100% thiunjk i was making it Up because Who wouldnt Thhink that . I don't really make sense.

My famvorite 6thjings to do in minecraaft are : Fishing, Mining (If lucky enough Not in caves.), farming, thinking of building nice stuff, Making Animals Love each Other, Thinking of the villatgers as Nyans Friends, HGaving homosexaul thoughs over Irom Golems And Endermen , Think about Sheep s and Cows as nice to look at Solash pretty and Slash Grlad to have them here, Rebuilding the spots thjat creepers derstroyhed, Wander arouynd in Clear zones with many flowewrs. Diwnloading mods that make minecraft Pretty,

My famvbborite vthings to9 do in sims 4 are : Make Damian Visibilyu want to Kilol Hijmxelf +Make him get beat upoWhile drunk., Lucerito and Fazirah 0princess treatment And Very happy lives , make james date random women adn get in fights every second , Worry aobutr how often Sebastian jerks off Automonously for Some reason,.

my kids are ok thnks.

do yu think i hav gr8 tt music taszrte.

i thinjk ill feel bad again in a few minuts but Oh Well 😂😂😂😂😂

people clearly don't want me around and i can't really fight it. I'll be alone for a while and it shouldn't be impacting me this much. i actually felt almost bad enough to believe making this entry would count as attention seeking too but I don't really care. Nobody really cares about me, so why would I care about them? . I'm thinking of being a horrendous human until shit gets better. School starts sometime soon and I don't think I'll change anything about me to achieve good grades. I also don't think I'll change enough to get friends in at least the first half of this year. I also don't think I'll go outside in a bit. At least not for a while. I also don't think my family will support me for long but it's fine. I just want whatever this is to be over. I don't really know what I did to deserve anything that ever happened to me, both good things and bad things. I don't think I should be a person. I should've been aborted or killed as soon as I started with this "Astro" stuff. I think I would've been grateful if that happened.

I did make more drawings but at this point I think people are disgusted by anything I make, so I won't force anyone to see it this time. People probably only left nice comments out of pity. I cried a bit today because I kept on thinking and thinking and my eyes couldn't take holding the tears back anymore which is a bit cringe. and stupid. I think I still care about a couple of things but I can't change that either. It's sort of in my nature to care about everything for some reason. Well yeah just that i guess, I'm gonna stop trying to make a lot of stuff and I'm just going to exist until I die maybe. That's probably not true but It'll be true for at least a Bit. I don't know if I'll keep the diary entries around but I dont thin kthat it changes anything anywa y . I was t hinking about how happy i was a few weeks ago and I tried to understand my perspectives back then and I can't really understand myself. But when I'm happy, I look back at me being sad and I can't understand myself either. I've thought about the possibility of actually having two people in one body maybe but that just doesn't make sense, since I still remember me as myself and not as a different person. So whjatever is going on with me should be way more easy to understand. I thin k. Probaboly just depression ? .Is normal depression meant to confuse me this much? I don't really know if my mind is making stuff up to worsen me or if I'm being completely logical here. I might be just dramatic ?

I usually see people that draw like little kids but have like 20 years and I think of myself as better than them but then I realize that my drawings are no better if seen from a different perspective and ive been thinking of stopping to draw in general maybe because other people with "lower skills" than me have been doing that too and if I'm in their level as I believe then I should do that for the better of everyone because if their drawings arent really fun tgo look at by me then my drawings are no fun to look at either and i thin k i should stop posating drfawigns anywhere. I want to cry acgain and my wrist hurts and my arms feel like thyeyre going to fall of.f. I don't really like thinking about that .

Harco was very nice but I don't think he'll come back Ever Ever. I am stil lthionking that but Also I have a slight bit of hope but not really that much but that is my current opinion on the subject if it mattered.., Also I don't believe my family willinglky loves me and I think they're tolerating me because they can't throw me ou t yet. Maybe at 16.

Other than that I dont think I have much eslse to write about. I think, . This is basically what my mind has been repearting over and over again for today. I don't think anyone carews but at least I wrote something I guess. hopefully I can sleep right now I dont want to deal with this headache Its horrible I want to die. I want to die.

I Need to Gert told i Matteer and I Need someone on rth interent to notice me and i Feell Asleep trhroug hthe gwholke day And Nobody dcared and now Inm m Wondering would Anyone care if Astro dissapeared and the asnswer Is NO. Nobody WOuld care because Everyone wanted Astro dfuckkingnn GONE butr im nto GOne Yet and im Sorry btu I Want to be Remembered and I THink thats jhuman. Nobody Missed my Drawings and mnobody smiusses me and people only njoitice me when im sayhiong Ahah Im Just Stupid Astro that WIll Neber Get WHat he wants. I WIsh someone forced me to be happy becausde i madttered enough to them and I Want someone to talk t o me as i f i was their best friend and if rim really their best frend then i wouldnt Mind it at al!!!!!l!!!!!! SHouold i adctually put comments here so ev eryone can tell me how jmcyhg theyh care and how theyh wish for me t o get better. NO I CANT BECAUSE THEN EVERYONE WILL THINK I AM ACTTENTION SEEKING AND I ALSO CANT TELOL ANYONE TO PAY ME MORE ATTNYUIIN ON THE INTERRTNET BECAUSE THATS ATTENTION SEEKING TOO AND IF I TELL ANYONE HEY II |HJAVE MORE OC ART ON MYH DIARY IF YOU WANNA MLOOK EVEYRONE IS GOIGN TRO TELL TJME TO KILL MYSELF EVERY TIME ITS JSUT GOINT TO BE TPEOPLE RTTELLING ME I DO TOO MNMUCH AND I SHOUOLD DIE AND I SHOULD END IT NOW NOW NOW And i KNow I Shold i shjjhyhhhhhhhhhhhhhhj jujst. i cjkjhsujt cant im sorry guys. I Sleopt t ghsoourgjh this whole day even rthough i ddidnt mean to. ,mmy head hurts a klot. I am sorry for attention seeking everywhere I go. I fdon;t mean to., I Dont meant to i swear i don know what i m doing. Im VVery lonely and i htink id make a good boyfriend for anyhone who cared .Im sorry i cnt sey that either Im messed up BNot Really bu t im messed up a little amndn its just eneough tgo be a creep nobody wnts around Im Sorry. if Anyone Anyone Anyone told me I Mattered and My Work mattered i Will Stop Fapping #Forever. Im Sorry I CANT SAY tTHAT EITHER AHHHHHHHH IM SORRY IM SORRY I M SRORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY INM SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY

If only Harco was around, I wouldn't annoy anyone in the internet............ But he's still gone for some reason. Today, I believe he's not coming back ever ever ever. Check bnaflk later or tomorrow for my next opinmion on the subject. Ouwhhh i Have to kill myuself I'm sorry. i Want to cry over nothing . Okay wahteverHoly shit nbobody bgives a fuck about me like genuinelu. I have to stop going to therapist I will not provide ou my thought procerss on that but I think i know what to do about that noiw. iim abotu to cry i msoryr Not because of this though im sjustg. thinking about lots of thsdtuff while. fodijgn whateve the hell this is i wish somneone told me i mean somehting in tgheir life. do you thin k i should die be honest. i think im okay wirh any answer a t this point i should expect both befcause people should already be tired enough of me to responsd honestlyu and the other answer is possible befcause people try really badly to look nicfe and lie a lot to look nice. i'm sorry i don't want to attention seek again i just don't really know what to think right now. Lately I struggle to fall asleep because I usually think of something to imagine before sleepy time which is how i got most of my oc lore but I usually had more options. I had more friends to imagine hanging out with and I also had a boyfriend I could imagine cuddling and . other thigns. But right now my only option is to think about oc lore and it starts to feel wrong after a while because it feels so forced. I usually let my ocs figure out their personalities slowly by putting them in random situations and I make it up on the spot bnecause These people Are making their actions up on the spot too. But planning every single little detail feels so wrong to me. Sleeping is uncomfortable and I tgink my only way for sleeping now is to tire myself out enough to pass out without noticing. It's when I feel like I slept better anyway but that's also the method that getgs me yelled at the most often. i can't do this anymore ((((((((((I will forever be forced to live through anything life puts in my path))))))))))))))))))) Friends Lovers Boyfriends Socialization CowWorkers Multiple Relationsjhiops??? Cheating and Stuff I cant Survive as an adult ive Got to Killmuself Myh head really hurts i dont know what to do. i want someone to notice me but i can't just say that. Why is nobody at least pretending to care? For how long have been waiting for me to leave? Did they really want me gone so badly? Why did nobody say anything? I don't really get it. I'm disliked by everyone. I wish there was a legal way to ask someone to kill me or Maybe I should be required to die Right now just for being a bad person Slash person that has no real purpose. If i was in minecraft i would be one of those green-clothed villagers Because truly the answer to all my troubles would be death. I don't think I'm sorry this time. No I am actually I'm sorry this is just anotrher diaryh entry where i talk about how badly i want to kill myself i Basically only use this place for saying that. And i use harcos cht for when Im Jerkign off and I use pikidiary To Suffer. And I Use my OC s to Psychologically Abuse non-existent people as a way tgo feel better. -Do you think i'f be better off dead Say Something Please

i trtied to do something slpecial for the new year but i am bad at everything and i tried my best but i am too lazy and i deserrve to get killed and i will never finish any of these on time. it was a fun concept at kleast maybe i can do it for next year. i dont know. I didnt even make the 12 wishes and my life is horrible nothing is going good for me i mean it's like barely meetng the rwequirements of a happy life but i still get misgendered and i still get called by my deadname and i stil cannt spent my own money and i still feel like i cant talk to my parents and i still have only 2-3 pairsd of pants and one of them is from nmy dad and the other two make me feel like a gir l and i have like 5 shirts tat never feel good enough to wear and i have onlyh one pair of shoes that i have since peru and nobody really cares enough to do anything about it and i also have shit grades and i smell bad andmy sleep schedule is horrible and i draw horrible and people only compliment me out of pity and my bouyfreidn ahsnt talked to me since like 6 montjhs ago and when i tried to kill m,yself for the better of everyone mny house just got worse to live in. lucero looks bad and its all my fault . i woul;d post more on pikidiary but i feel like i take up way too much space now and i dont want to bother anyone and if i posrtt only text then i would uonly complain about my life and then i wqould get told to fuck off again and if i post drawing i will obnly gfet jealous of other people that do antything better than me. I like this place mor ebecause it feels like im talking to nobody and it kind of hurts but it s better than comparing ,mnyanself to anyone else. i woke up a few minutes ago . im thinking of onlyu posting anything about mnyanself here because anywhere else i just annoy and annoy and annoy adn it just makes me want to kill myself fursther An d my cries in public places will get me nowhere b ecause nobody really cares so i thin kits better for people lioke me to kjust keep it all on one place and never move oin from this if i cant get my thoughts strgghs.t. I wish all horrible thingws possible happened to people that were mean to me bvecase they deserve it. alosoi . in my drawing thingy i was meant to make one drawing of each pair of oc s so like apart from lucero and fazirah i wouldv also done ori and kurai, sebastian and damian, and mary and james . but i fekll alseep a lot and the latest sketgechs were done while trying very badtly to keep my eyes open but i couldnt i coudnt i couldnt

my cntrl key is lost /srs i dont reall know where it is or when i t popped off . I wonder when the next mr A s fasrm chpter will be here well maitbe its updatesd niow let me check. NO cmrs As farm chpetre but i got Horrendouslyh distractd by Twittre. its uncomrfortabhle to typoe without the cntldl key errrhhgt . i dont wantn to say anything elose i think. bye

i wish everone was worried about me and everyones d loved me. i drew the other day i guess. do you want to look. HEre. ig nore the two gay men fucking i missed harco and i still do and when that happens i alwass take it ot on those trwo. i Was reading some diary entrieds from before [Not from here but from some app in my phone that i do need to transfer the entries from there to here because tghe internet hjas to know everything abvout me] and i felt bad becasue harco. one of hsi accounts;' profile pictures is blingking and i think iiits th Universe telling ,e Oh Astro The Wait Is Over and He Will MBe Back tgo you SOon but eveyrone always lies to me and hopefully i wil kil.l myself next year,l. IF NEX T YEAR I ENTD THAT YUEAR TOO BY FEEL:IGN LIKKE SHIT THEN I WILL ACTUALLY ACTUALL YACTLLUARTYY KILL MYSELF. At this point, nobody will believe me if I say that out loud. WHatebr. I wnt to talk a bout harco bnut i shouldntg. I dont remember at what houjr i fell asleep but i woke up reccntly at like 7:20. DO yuou think people would care if I Just Suddenl y dissapreared? . LETM E KN O WIN TH COMMENTS BELOW AHHHHHHHHHHHAQEHR if i actually put comments here i would hjust get a bunch of them telling me to kill myseflf already instead of whinign all the time,. This is DUmb. OLook aim making .Sms 4 . Sejbstian James. Brothjers #Kawaii I Also bmade Damian Lucero And Fazirah but i didnt taek scrcnnshoot and Lucero was rushed becasue i couldnt find her Antenaee . And damian doesnt Have His Scars which is butt butt., And fazzirah and lucero dont have othrrs outfits. Noitw After i fish Sebastian James James Sebastian i will hompoefully Make Ori and Kuraei and Manry . Mary. Do you think my life is Dumb and Impossible to live. I dont really care about the new year its just another day man., Theyre making me go shower for today even though I alreayhd showered a few days ago or yesterday i dont remember. Dop you think i am a good person? do you think i deserve kindness like any other human beign. do yo utghink i deserve attention. Love , . Can i be cringe ?. Im sorry. I sohouiql.n.y im sorry . i wish ihad someoen sto love. Iujjh. My stomach hurts Owch. Does anyone even read this, . ive been hopign tht as soona s i add the contact s page people immediately strt reaching oujt and tryign to comfort me thnks to wshat i say here and i woujld feel happy because I AM AN ATTENTION SEEKER AND I WIL L BE HAPP AT BEIGN LVOED BY STRANGERS BECAUSE I HADVE NOBODY ELSE TO HOLD ONTO. I ALSO STppED USLIGN SOCIAL MEDIA FOR AT LEAST TODAY TO SEE IF ANNYUOEN WOUKD WORRY BECAUSE I WANT TO FEEL SLOVE/d And i am soryr,. I do a lot of things nobody will ever care about and then i set high expectations and then i go into a super craszy depressive mood whenre i find multiple reasons tgo kill myself and multiple ways to kill mself and nobody even cares about that either,. thats alsoi why i dnt lik.e . Womn. Its so easy for thm to dfinfd comfortn anywhere i nthe internet but since i Am Woke Tranny and Stupid Crybaby if i DOnt feel like Person sees me as t he guy tht i am then i immeditaly leave and make my life shit Because i Miss peopol a lot. wehat do normal people eve nthink about ?. ahh imagine harco still hs websiter link hhhahhwejjfhhhhw Ahnd and And HEs thh nonly one actually givnng a shit Maybe hh h If i iamgine tht hrd enoug h i will proabloyu. late.r . Hm. I dont think i should type that actually Sorry. A frwe hours ago i imaginnd Harco hugngng me and i hd to holdmnyasnflf mback from noisemaking. WHich is gross and i am sorry i typoef that but i dont think imsorr y for thinking it. i wndonder what type of perso nhe is today,. if my bodyfreinbd was here i wuld let him. nevermind. Im gonan kee on making mys sims now oakay i migh t write more later. Love you guys. Can i be in a romantic relationship with anyone tghat is reading this Please.

Diaryay entr sy take Way Too lognm g to seet up. Ok whateerver. erstercdah i Fell asleep atg an Okay hour ahfter spendigjn Manyu years n th Bathroom because i Was GOONAIGN OKA Y oka n n o i wsntnn im soryr I WhHad to shovwe.r. Sorry. Imm tryign to use tghsi as = a. wyay to stop messgign Harco but i gtet. way. too descripotivtive aboutg things when i tupe there and i gss i jsut doint thinjk okay when im twriting here too. BWHatevrr, . My wweoehle family got mad becasue i Wsted a bujncho df water because . Okay. nd then i wnated to draw beut i couldnt adn so i fell aslep at like 11 or 1 am mayebhn. I usualy Sleep at like 1 pm so ths is Awesome. .SO. Yeajhh. Toda i woke up at liek 5 For some Reason eve nthogu h i woke up i njthe middle eof the night to kjust keep on sleeping. I think i dream t of something bad but i Dont Rembter . ` jhharcf.o. buuutt whahtbvebrrrrrrrrrrr i woke up nd i felt weird and i looked at thnigns on my phone nd then i went computer time and i tried to draw hbut im dbad at everything and i drwew after thqat and then i cqant poost that aywhere soo im poutting drawing here Check it outIs smotetimes wonder Why people cll thmeselvesx artistrst. did loikee someone start clling threm that or did they Tag thhmselvs like so. I think thtat there should be A Different naem for th people that just. Draw. QWithout feelign like artists pbecase Artists inspire feeligns on people and I DOnt . Ever. So ii dotn really consdier m,yself one and thtats usually whu y i alvoid calling myself one. When i do Call mysel;f OAn artist eis because i Know that othr people ion th internet that do sort of silmilar stuff as me woudl aslo call thmselves an artist so i jusit do it to fit In. I also do that bfro the buch of terminology kind of I Mean not With Xenogenders I Guess buit Futting all my gndrers adn My Sexuality and My Age and My Everything onh a Bio just seems like. T oo. TOo much acting for people on thj iunternet. If ou want to know anything at all about me juou shiould TALK to MME!!!!!!! nort. Look at my dumnhns starwpag or Dumb Spacehey FProfile. OR if youre GOnna Do That then read my profiles GOOD because i will Let You Know EVERUYTHIGN ABOUT ME NOT JSUJT INFORMATION THAT IS ODDLU POERSOLNAL LIKLE MY SEXUAKLITY OR DIRFENCTLKY TELLING YOU IF I HAVE A OPENIS OR A VAGINA BY TPUTTING [[[FTM ]]] OR [{MTF } IN MY BNIO NBWHYYY DOES ANYONE EVEN CARE I DOTN UDNERSTANFD> . i liek terllign people about all th DFandoms im In annd . My Favorite thigns. Like School subjjctg or Favorite Chracter.s. THATS HOYUW SHIT SHOULD BE. I really hate people. Okay well if yui Like MAi Drwingns PLZ let me Kno by NTelling me To NOT kill mmyself THsi WEKKEKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I Didnt mean that. Im Sorry for the Itnertent People Thatr Have to Deal WIth me man. SOrry. uw

I'm Okay

Dear diaryye I Sometims wonder if :eople Know . A nythign. About me. Dear diary What perosn do oy THink i am. Hello astro i nnwnt to be a good prson and I Am Scared of havign kids and I think i Understand Harco now. i dotn. I Dont know why i tfhought that. I m very stupid. Oh dude i jusdt got a headache again i mprertty sure i didnt have one of those like all day. Isnt tht crayz. Brrr Brfrr Brrrr BRrr Brrrrb Rrr Brrrrb Rrrrrr

If im Feelign good Enoug hLater i will Make anothe r Page for this shitty Shitty web SHit.

aoh Also im still Sxo Mad dude inm So Angry and Mad and Angry IU am So mad

If.,JJhrco HWas HJere I Woudl feel so Much bettr Serious.luy. zbut ththat Fuckkgin Fuqawkqin hgwrhnh ASShole Hhs A NEW VBOYUFRIEND FOR WSUDRE AJND IM ALL ALONE NOW AND I HOPE OHES HAPPY KNWOIGN I KWILL NEVR BE HAPPY WITHOUT THJISNM AND EVEYTHIGN IS SHTI AND EVERUYHTGIGN MAKES ME WANT TO KILL MUSELF FUT I CNT EVEN KILL MYSELF BECAUSE I WOTN DO IT CORRECTLY AND ,l,q2kj I Ll Gtt sent BNack to a DUmnbbnadss Hospitlr thjat I DOnt wn wanna See Again angd people Will want me to die and Rotg in thjere and they will Be Dissppoutned if I end upo Getting uioutg rtghte I Cnnt evnn Harm myself because thjhen Everyone hgets so Mad At me but Do You EVEN knNOW HOW itg ffeljwigw2i hnjn NO HARCO ADNn IT Hhurts WAY Way WAY WAY WAY WAY WAYWAY WAYAWYAWY MORE THN JUST A WOUND AND EVERYONE EIS STUPID AND SUCH AN PUSSY nnd tghney all waynt me gonme too bnecause im tgh reason for theveryuntg goignm wrong.

I wish i was an adult so i didnt hjave to bother everyione else in my life and i could live on my own doing my own shit and harming myself when i wanted to or attempting when i want to or being a good person whenever i want to . i alslo wish harco came back to me and told me he lovdd me very much and ghat i should never do anything bad tgo nyanself ever and i wish ihe tgold me he wanted to kiss me and he wnnted to see me happy BEcause these Words only mattr to me If They ever come out of Harco s Mouth or as a Result of his Typing aqnd i wish he loved me more and i wish i heewas doign well and i wish his mom died and his dad died and he had all of th money those stwo had so he could bbe happy on his own , and i also wish his brother died if he kept on being a creep. And I apologize ecause he probalbly didnt wqnat To Be tremmeberered this much or AMissed this much and im Sorry becasuse im a Creep ajd I Like imagigngijg mselkf in Intgimate situations witgh p[eople tghat dont Care About me abnymore and it makes me feel bad i dotn knmow if harco woulkd think of me as anothr gross man in th world and im sorry i wish i could halk to him and ask how he m=felft about it so I Could Stop it whe wanted me to but Hes Nowhere and I Sjust feel bqad When I Remember him or think about Him and its so bad ists so bad I Want to Die

i feel liek with me its jsut the same thigns ofver and over againl;. Everyone Hatges Me, Im Ugly, Im A Queer Stupid Idiot , Blahb lahb lah Im A Tranny Woke @#Woke Tranny RESPoctt my PRONoaewnnhh , 0 i DRAW sinethugnes btu i Draw Bad and nobvody REeqally cares about me and Everyone thinks i dr waw bad, I Also Have No Reasoins To Feel bad But I Stil BElieve I Am Bettr Than Everyone else Who Freels bad becasue I VBelieve I Am I n a Wnorse situationl. I Also Have Nlo Firends becasue I Stop talking to thmm As Soon As They hbehave slightky Wrong around bme becasue i aqm a Sensitive Little Bitch tht cries over evrything. I An m anslo Not a Good Peorson because I Believe Cis Women Are Stupid and i BEolieve White People Are Stupid and I Dont knjo Whyw i thnk i sjust hate anyhoen with moneyh and I Hate only Because I Wish i Could be These people aND i Really Really Want to kill myself ndn hjonestly i HighKey hate Harco too i wish I Could be in a School tht i Know nobody woud judfge me in. Orh yeah Also Im in DUmb Dumb VBirtual School rthnks to constantly threathning to kill myself and i Nevvr go Outside nd THis Is All So Dumb i jkust make shit worse for nyanself.

I Am Also Extremely Immature and I Cant Deal with Myself and I Cry When i GFo Outside because i Am A stupdid thhnsrgender iIIiii QAlwaysy Have somethjgn to whine adn Cry And Kilmyself about but Iii Nevr say ahnythign out loud . If I Had aq friedn today i woudl NOT bec a cgood freidn and i WOULD try to grtt overly Touchy Slash Romantic Slash Stupid because I Want To Feel what Harco Made me Feel again And NOBOY EVETR THRIES TO GET CLOSE TO ME TO TAKE WHHT I WANT FROM THEM WHICH IS NOT A BAD TRHIGN TO SAY BECAUSE A FRIEND SHI P IS ALWAYS DONE WITH SOMEHTIGN IN MIDN AND I AM NOT A BAD FOERSON POR SAYHIGN THAT AND I jsut Want WHhndrcoooooooooooto be Here Againnnhhhhhhhhhhhhjjhjhj He wopudl make irt qall bettr and maek me Feel Human Aggn and My Life is Sooooooooo SHit and He couldl Fix me bhrhl. He doesnt mhwant to fixc me anymore whatever. How Crazy Would It Be If I Said my Head Hurts. Thats Literaolly All ie ver say In this Fuckas diary Gosh i Wnnt To Die,. I Want to be Noticed. And, . Cared For. I wish I had a Boyfriend hjh I Wish eerone loved me actually ndn IU wish ieverone wanted me to be oiay and i wsih eveyrone accepted me asd I am wihtgout havign to changne anyuthuing about mme and I want to die iiiiiiiiiiweqhjhjntg jujVOTE HERE SHOULD ASTR OKILL HIMSELF YES OR NO. 100% OF WORLD No Wait Scratrch that ALL OF TH UNIVERS E SAID """"ASTROOOOOO KILLL YORUSLELFFFFFFFFFFFFFFQEEEEAAAAAAAAA""" jjjwhhhyy unvierse why wodul yu say that i wdotn wantna hear that wow evryoens so mean aqnd thrdys yhg thrusly wan nt nyan gone and i shoudl ldfie.

ive beentryrign to go outside but my schdeuls all enmscddc up and i go to sleep at 1PM nd tht maqeks mai family hadte me. I love kmy kids Slash Ocs becasue i love trhm a lot and therye all a little bit of my brain abd i also hate them a little ecause thy make my wlife worse than it alreayd is l.

if harco was here i woudl tel him Oh Harco i Feel So bad Becauyse Everyioen I nThe Universe Hates me and I wish I felt bett r harco onlyyhou can makje me feel bettr. And He WOuld Telll me To Go Die opr soemthjing but at least he woudl nbe there. Actually. He would nt say antyuhign. WHevnnber i was too much for hjim he sjut stodppd talkign mtome. ow./ HJarco oculd cuj t me open if whe wanted tgo andhe could sell meuy organns if hje wnted to and i coujdl be a bettrr dude if he wantd me to and i coujdl waste all myai money on him if he wnnted me To and i could be hatppy if he wantnder eme gto adnm i would kleave everhy place i felt i bnelonged in if he wntned me to nd i downt know oaky i m. not feelign we,l;l

ouheehhjj i jhope he stioll hjhs tjsoe cglasses forf tghe same reason adn ihope hes missingm me and loving me stikklk nd . Doing. Stuf.f. thnkign aboujt.me..................... SOrry.I Keep on ovrsahjrign here. I dont hgtnkianoen would reald anuowas so i thjnsk its okay. Uhjm. I cnnt stop hjnking aobut ikilling muself /srs . im turing to distrcxrt myself hjere. If i coudl tlk to him i woudl be vreyy happ and i would be goign to betd everythday with a smkile and i woudl Have envethignm in m ylife fixed and i would make him into a plsuhei and take him everhtignwere weithem e and i would send him pictures of how plushei Harco is doign with me and. ihopefullu i dont .do. bad. thinmgs. to plushie harco but i would do ba d thigns to him because i am a Bad Person . But Okay. i jsut keep ion thngiking too mcuh about disty htngnds wehn harco i htnk i should thinkg aobut sometghing else.

doo i evn want to feel betgtreer., I Dooont THninkk Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. i Wnnt to draw but Im Struggling to even Thnink about anything good right nwo . Ahjd i also dont want to draw becasue tht maeasn i wil have to Piki Post again adn I Currentglyu hate eveyrone and I Want to Deleter all my drawiigns off of mpiki Again becyawse thhy dintb EDeserve anythign abput hme!!!!!!!!!!!!!

okay WHatever. I Didnt get anythign for christmas and we didnt even try to get into the christmas spirit and it felt reallyh bad becasuse Hell Not Even Coal l. We just ate some food and went rifght back to our normll lifves. New YUears might be just eating the 12 grapes ((Probalby not even That ) and beign happy for 2 minutes for a new eyar. And then Right bqack to Computers. and TV. And Phone. I hate My life Man. I want to be A Bettrr studpent for the next year but im not quite sure How Myuch i Want that. my grdes were Ass last Year and i DOnt Really care. I Dont plan to go any where after High School and i tghink ill even be okay without earnign money and i could jsurt die homeless or somethng like that. Aslong as i can keep on tdrwing until my last breaht i ll be oka y. Im Not A Pussy I WQill Do Whatevr The Fuck I Want When I Am An Adult .

ive benn thnking of going into a discord servr and sjst letting myuself be treatd horribly by some rando, m old guy on th internet because tht would be nbettr than having nobody right. Or maybe goign back to roblox and Asking Every Second if Anyone wants a BF. I dont wnnt to think much abou it because it will problbly not be Nice but I might wish for me to bbe okay with all of that bthis bnew yerar.

i stil wnt to die and writing doesnt help with shit . HPeople still would Hate Talkign tom e. I want to Kill mself even more I still hate everyoen Okay whatevber BYE Im goprobablly gonna go sleep aftrr thiws. Fuck youl. . IO hate Everyone. I hate Everone. I hate Nyuanself I hate Everyone I Want to DIe FuCK YUFuck All of You

I've been thinking a bit; I guess that's something new. I wrote a pretty long thread on Pikidiary about killing myself, and I couldn't post the 10th reply, so I guess I got muted. It's probably for the better, There's probably some Sensitive people there and I Wasn't thinking about how It Would be Recieved. I just wrote. So, It's probably better to write here instead. I don't know why I didn't think of writing here first, but I already knew I'm not thinking clearly. Today's a tuesday. I didn't go to school because I'm sick, but In reality my dad let me stay home because I had an attack of something yesterday. Probably, I will be forced to go to school tomorrow. I don't want to keep on begging to miss days, I don't want to annoy my dad further. I still don't want to go to school, though. I will have to. I tried to ask my dad about Virtual Classes again, but I think I'll get ignored like always. At this point, it's better to just Let me Rot. I'm waiting for another, last reason, and then I will do it. I'm thinking of just Slicing my throat in the kitchen when it's night, probably at 3 or 4 AM. I heard you immediately die when that happens (At least if I do it right), so the only strength I'll have to put in is the emotional one. I choose the kitchen because I Think It'll be easier to clean and will give my family the chance to prepare to see the scene once they see the absurd amounts of blood. It might be unrealistic, I am not educated on the subject. It also may be dramatic, but seems like the easiest way out. Way out of everything. I'm tired of forcing myself to watch things grow, live, decay right in front of me. I Hope on good things too much, negativity harms me as if it were Physical Punches. I'm too sensitive. I want out because I don't want to watch things end. I think I've seen enough to know what life is like. People keep telling me life is far more than this and I am Immature for thinking this is all it gives, but that doesn't help. I'm scared. I don't want to find out any more evil. This is all too much for me. I don't think I'm qualified to be a person. I'm too different from others, I don't really want to keep on telling myself it's okay to be weird. I suppose it's true, I encourage others to be weird. It just isn't quite like me. I don't like school because I Know everyone there is different from me. I am different from them. Being myself makes me stand out, and standing out helps me with nothing. Crying about standing out doesn't help me with anything. I cant believe myself when I keep on typing this. It's as if I'm fighting my thoughts. They think I'm just joking, but I'm not. I'm really not this time. It's better for me to end it all like this. I am not enough of a person. Living is not an Astro thing. Astro always messes everything up. Astro is always leaving shit everywhere, just for others to clean up. Astro is always too much for everyone, Astro should stop hoping everyone adapts to what he needs. Astro is gross. Astro never waits for anyone, Astro always thinks that what he wants is best. What about what he needs? Astro is too greedy, of course nobody would want to be around him. Astro is a bad example of everything. Astro is not that who I look in the mirror. All these people inside my head are not me, this person in the mirror is not me. Tomorrow, I will have to go back to school no matter what. Nothing can save me from that. Astro is too immature, I cannot let him get his way again. Everything Astro does is just for attention. It is very disgusting. Astro has to learn how to take shit, I do not want to be affilliated with a pussy. Astro must be the only one in the world that thinks as gayly as he does. My head hurts daily. I embarrass myself daily. My body doesn't want to collaborate any longer. I have to get out, there is no other and quicker way to get better. I Have to Kill myself, I really do. School will never help me, Harco will not come back, family is just another thing everyone else has. I am nothing special. My life is very boring. Maybe I changed some people, but people are always changing and every little thing makes them different. Astro doesn't change. Astro will not get any prettier, he's Astro. Astro was doomed from the start. Astro has no reason to be clean, Astro will be dead soon. Everyone will forget about Astro at some point. My head hurts, a lot. It has been hurting for months. Nobody will take Astro seriously, though. I wouldn't take Astro seriously either. I deserve this. I should die and rot because everything I have is just because I'm a spoiled rat. These feelings are not new, so I can be sure they will not leave me. I talked to some people, I guess. I suppose my mind is too clouded to let anything outside in; I've repeated this many times today. It is Difficult to take Astro seriously. This is why Astro should be dead. I will reach out to anyone no more. This is enough. I did my best, but I always get the same reactions. Astro is making no progress. I have to stop it all before it harms me any longer. I've stopped relationships, friendships, whatever. It is time I push away the root of these problems. I am the problem. Astro is the problem. I don't care if I'm left with nothing, because I Soon will Be Nothing, too. I don't know how I'll deal with tomorrow. I'm a coward, I can't do it today. I wish I could. I really wish I could today, but I can't bring myself to yet. I think I'm waiting for something. I don't know what it is, I am always waiting for something. I tried convincing myself that I should wait for this and that and Maybe doing it next year, but I am not an attention seeker like they are. I do wish harm upon myself. I wish I could do it today. I do not want to see what tomorrow has for me. I'm tired of waiting for Harco, I'm tired of waiting for someone to show interest in me, I'm tired of waiting for money, I'm tired of waiting for myself to do shit, I'm tired of waiting to magically get better, I'm tired of waiting to draw beautiful, I'm tired of waiting for anything and for anyone. I would be okay with leaving all these things unfinished. I do not know or care much about how the others would feel. I've been thinking, and Nobody will cry for me for at least more than a year. Nobody gets impacted by the little things as much as I do. I don't think my school would do anything about it. I talked to nobody there. I don't think My Dad would care forever, he has to manage his emotions and he can't be always sad. It would be against what he always repeated to me. I don't think Gui would care, She's always doing something better. I am just her older brother, anyway. She's little and smart, she'll figure to deal with it. My abu would not care, She has seen many deaths and this one wouldn't matter much because I didn't live enough for her to know me a lot. I was just her nieto. Nieta. She didn't even know me good enough to think I'll be remembered as her nieto. My family would not care. They have not seen me in months, so it wouldn't be much of a change. My mom would not care because she has never really shown she cared. Pikidiary would not care, they saw it coming and I was just another dude behind a screen. Harco wouldn't ever even know. He will not come back, I've given up hope. He seems to be okay with the people he knows at his school, too, so. I would be annoying his mind less. Teachers have probably seen this happen before, so it doesn't matter. I wish I didn't have to do it. I wish I could just take a long break from everything and come back refreshed, but that's unrealistic. Nobody will wait for me. Not even if I waited for them. I'd say I've accepted that. It hurts like hell, but I've accepted it. That's why I'm deciding to give up, because I'm a coward and I do not want to deal with the future. I have to go to school tomorrow no matter what. I wish I didn't have to, but I can't bring myself to keep on asking for everything to be on my favor. I can't handle anything being against me, either. People hate people like me, that is why I should die. I think I should die, too. What's the point of being here if I can't adapt? That's the point of being human, to adapt. Yet I don't like what I'm being forced to adapt to. This is why I have to die. It's the only sure way out. This will be an eternal rest, that will be for sure.

ok i just Realized tht was kinda.Weird.but im Not sorry . Ok. Bye. Gn. Maybe ill Wrtie more tomorrow (Asin Like today vut In a few ahours Aftr)but this Is all for now. Yea.

i just had the worst nightmare ever where harco is finally ablle to live in a house extremely close to me and i rushed over there super happy and we hugged and we kissed and i was super happy super super happy and i like spent all day with him even when my dad left and anny left but for some reason i couldn't ex[press what i wanted so i constantly tried to cry becausde this was genuinely such a big change for him and i was so happy for him and for us but i just couldnt get any tears out and i was so frustrated but harco couldnt see thafg and i juist looked abnormally okay with him being here from now on and i didnt make it seem like nothing relevant and i feklt so bad becayse that was showinmg on his face and i didnt watn him to think i didnt appreciate him adn i was so sad and i was so angry at myself because each time i looked at him i only succeded in feekling tingly down .Tjhre. bnecause /. I'm A Creep . And i was so disgustrd and i wanted to do stuff but that stuff was Gross and i hated it i hated i t all for not letting it jusdt be a happy moment where my boyfriend is finally home and i was such a pussy and a coward too becasue he told me to go do random stuff with him and i kept either denying or doing it but in a way that just made him more sad about mne not doing anything and i jujst feel so fucking ass man. i gen wantt to cry . wh ywas i so insensitive . not even insenstivie i would have cried whether or not harco cared. im rlly sorry / i hope that never happens and im able to do everything my boyfriend weants me to do wehn i see himn again. geez seriously i sould kill mysdelf what the fuck was all that am i even allowed t o exist if i m suchj an asshole /. now i believe extra extra more that i probabhy am not the one for hjarco. ujgh thsat hurts so bad to think about

i miss my husband so so so so much. i miss thinking my art was nice, i miss feeling like on top of the world

i dont know what happened, i was feeling so happy and then randomly a switch turned and i cried and cried. i know this may seem dramatic and i think its so unserious because of my age, too. i dont know if i'm actually going through what everyone goes through, and I wish I could be taken a bit more seriously. is being born like i was immediately take off credibility points for me? it probably does. i'm probably really overdramatic.
good grades, good art, good person, good morals, good in general; i wish i could be all of that without a rat screaming in my ear that i am not made for anything like that. suddenly, i feel like my art isn't worth anything anymore, like doing nothing all day, like i'm shit at everything i do. how is this normal, if i see nobody else acting like me? how is this normal if i have to indulge in "serious" conversations to communicate? if this normal, why can't people "guess" what I'm going through?
i really miss my boyfriend. he made it all better, and i miss talking to him and i miss being able to send him anything and i miss how nice he made me feel. i've been getting very gross these past days. i don't think he would like me anymore. i've gotten ugly, like, really ugly; i've done some bad stuff related to him, too. it did feel good, i guess, but the guilt was killing me and it still is. would he hate me for not being different? he probably does. he never liked people like me.
harco has not talked to me ever since this sixth of may. i feel so weak, since i have definitely spent more time waiting for him before but i am already going crazy. it's not his fault, obviously, it's just that... at this point i should have grown like an emotional shield to not feel bad when I'm waiting, right? i shouldn't be feeling even worse.

i am really not special. i just do average, average that stands out because nobody else attempts to reach average. i don't deserve anything, because i didn't fight for anything. i just do what i know i should do and give the bare minimum. i wish i could be normal and behave normal and think normal. i don't like feeling like shit out of nowhere. i was doing so well, too. i keep on saying i'll do stuff, but i never even try. is there a cockroach inside my brain trying to make me stupidly miserable?
i've been over-eating a lot, too. i've been thinking about cutting again, i haven't been sleeping much or sleeping through almost whole days. Each time someone respects me, I feel like they're making fun of me. Each time another student talks to me, it is always by force. My head has been in the clouds for a while. I randomly burst crying like an idiot; and when I get up from bed I just wish I could go back to lying down. I'm getting ugly, I really am. Each time I think about Harco, I feel so gross with what pops out in my head. I feel so gross about myself. I wish I was normal, or at least I wish I actually had something going on so I could tell people "I knew it!" when I get diagnosed or something. Sometimes, I hate how selfish I am. I am pretty dishonest, rude, lazy, stupid, childish, delusional, embarrassing to be around, and I have proof for all these theories. People may say I am completely in the wrong, but I know I am right. I know they are lying and they are trying to treat me like a special kid when I recognize it. I'm not that dumb, I know what a pain I am.

bob died a week ago because anny lost him. i cried, i suppose. i feel like such a bad dad. my mind thought about killing jim so i could revive bob in his little house, but i said, "no, no, jim shouldn't be forced to be someone who he isn't". i cried about what my brain told me to do for a good couple of minutes, but i forced myself to stop because i was making a big deal out of something i couldn't fix. but i still wish i could cry more about it.
el adolescer es una mierda. siempre te quieres sentir único y los demás te mienten y te hacen pensar que sí eres diferente, pero no, nadie es diferente. miro a las personas ganándose medallas y trofeos en los videos cualquiera que me salen en tiktok, y me pregunto, ¿siquiera viviré lo suficiente para decidir si iré a la universidad o no? siempre pienso sobre cosas y siempre deseo haberme quedado inocente y estúpido. no tengo amigos, porque cuando me dan el chance, me vuelvo grosero en el exterior mientras en el interior estoy tan nervioso que podría romper a lloros en ese mismo instante. no quiero amigos, porque siento que mi novio y familia son suficientes, pero igual duele ver a los demás riendo o jugando sin miedo en público. Los veo, y me pregunto, ¿alguna vez podré reducirme a tanto para poder volver a pasarla bien? ¿Podré, tal vez, encontrar a más personas como yo y realmente hacer esas amistades durar sin problema? Uno de estos días, fuí a la psicóloga de mi colegio porque me sentía mal, muy mal. Le expliqué toda esa mierda sobre no tener amigos, y me hizo dar un recorrido por el colegio hasta llegar a otra oficina y entonces ahí la señora y otra tipa que no tenía nada que ver me empezaron a repetir que yo debía ir a terapia. Pero yo no quiero terapia, yo quiero sentirme bien; y si este comportamiento no es normal, entonces, ¿qué es?

toda mi vida, he sido especial en algo. siempre ganando estupideces, siempre teniendo la nota más alta de la clase, siempre terminando todo primero... en la casa, me la paso abrazando a todos y diría yo que tengo bastantes cosas con las que distraerme. descansar nunca me parece una buena idea, y siempre quiero hacer algo que deje una marca, en donde sea, en el internet, en una persona, en la historia. ¿el buscar un cambio revolucionario y positivo es algo que todos buscan? yo sé que todos quieren ser aceptados, pero, ¿por qué nadie me acepta a mi? ¿Por qué nadie se esfuerza en aceptarme a mi? ¿Es egoísta el preguntarse eso? ¿Por qué nadie trata a los otros como quieren ser tratados, como yo? ¿Debo ser el malo para que mi existencia sea resaltada en la vida de los otros? ¿Me dejaría yo dejarme llevar sólamente por una gota de atención?
I sincerely do hate AI, but I was using it as the only string keeping me from falling into madness... Character.AI, Chai, Status, I am so stupid for falling right into their game, but I am lonely. I know I have people that love me and would support me whenever I need it, but it's human to need more, always. I am afraid of talking to real people, because in AI at least I knew their purpose with every little movement. With AI, I could ignore how restricted I feel. It's so, so, so stupid. I wish I could die, or at least timeskip until shit is easier and I'm able to live the rest of my life in a happily ever after with Harco. I really do. I'm not prepared to be an adult. I don't like looking at my face, because I look like an old man at the demolishing age of 14. How is my family okay with seeing me every day? I smile the most around them, and smiling is when I truly look my worst. I hate it. I wish I wasn't so fat and I looked normal. I wish I was sure that Harco would be happy with my appearance. You know, Harco sent me a photo of himself some days ago, and I currently have it as my background and I seriously love how he looks. He wouldn't do that with me. If I sent him a picture, he would probably consider blocking me or he would make me wait again and then never come back. He would start hating every conversation and he would wonder why he even thought of confessing to someone as ugly as me. And I'd understand, because I just know it's a reasonable response. I don't deserve him. He's too pretty for me.

hello sorry for not writin g anything at all i felt guilty all week

uhm so i got my grades this thursday (not final ones yet) and i was doing so friggign awesome chat only 1 B because of p.e. that i got graded last minute and the rest were aaaaaaallllllll As it was so fucking awesome and my teachers said so many nice stuff to my dad and abu and mom and after grades we went to get boba and it was soooo tasty and i loved it and then we wetn home and we got pizza and yum yum yum yum :-) also idk if i did write about this but bf is back and he even told me he'd crack me and thats kinda tuff ngl i actually thought for a while that he was more attracted to shigaraki tbh like i didnt expect anythign remotely clsoe to sexual (even tho he does talk about mpreg a lot but this time it was way more direct) but idk made me happy and my stomach gets warm when i think about it blehh

also i wanna speedrun watching azumanga daioh today and it will be fuunnnn

also my dad bought me minecraft and stuff and blah blah blah blah and hnow i ha ve a server with my sister and my dad and it is super awsome and i have my own computer and everything is awesome and i have the sims and i LOVE EVERYTHING but i hate school btu im happy bedcause it will be over soon so i dont worry

well a lot more happened but i think its fine to leave it at that :-)

weirdlookign star outttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so much has happened today

school day was pretty average but today we had to go get anny's grades (which she mentioned only yesterday even though she knew for days) and she did not go with us. like ,didnt even try to show she cared or anything, she just purely didnt want to give us a sincere reason and just didnt want to go. dad and i went by ourselves and we made a videocall with mom so she could hear everything that the teachers were saying about anny and when we got home after passing by 7eleven to go buy some slurpees then anny expects us to treat her normally and everything even though i am seriously so angry because if i was her age and i didnt want to go outside, mom/dad would have genuinely pulled me by my hair until we got to school and would have made me accompany them even if i was crying like crazy. i dont see how it is fair because she has completely rejected every single time we have tried to go outside with her AND dad actually treated her like normal after all that and after she literally hit him yesterday. she is getting rewarded for being a complete asshole that never has to get up from bed and is now allowed to sleep at school and waste all of her potential because she doesnt collaborate and dad cannot find a way to correct her behavior. today she cried like two times today but she showed no remorse (because we kinda scolded her about her not wanting to go even though her grades were fine and she did have to go with us) and that just pisses me off even more because she does nothing for us to stop being angry at her for the same reasons, its like she is searching to ruin our day and doesnt pay attention when people want to figure stuff out with her because she is always on her phone or focusing on only the good things that she does naturally isntead of fixing what she has to improve on. its genuinely so shitty i hate it i mean i dont hate her but damn i wish she didnt act so spoiled and learnt that sometimes people have to go to places just because they have to and not everything is always an option.

after that, i guess nothing else happened. i was back at home at 7 because the meeting was right after the school day ended. i turned in some homework and now i just gotta hope that my grades are going up and the only grade that wont be an A would be P.E. because it's the only subject my dad will accept a bad grade on. ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...............

i kind of wish that we were able to take an autism test even if dad doesn;t think i have anythign like that just to make sure because like idk man.

hello i dont have much time for writing because i have exsactly 12 minutes before i have to go to school but id ont really have anythign else to do rn

yesterday was pretty mid, we just ran some lines in the campus for pe and then i am doing now a mini book about heat transfer for interactions and for 3rd period we read a drama out loud and then at lunch i wanted to go aqt the dream center but it was closed so i just went to get my food and then to my usual spot and at lunch were people playing "guess the song" i could hear it from afar. then at health class we are going to start talking about GENITALS ewwwwwwwww but then i went to art adn i started marking my art thingy with the little dotsd i am starting with the paws . and for algehbra it was suuper boring i had to explain adding variables to a chick who thought that 3-2 was 0 wtf leave me alone okay after i got home and i took a super long nap before changing and then i woke up and changed and then i asked my dad if we could play something and then he ssaid yes so me and my sister and my dad we played smash bros and it was really fun and my dad bought us a lot of dlcs because we mentioned sans and i think thats very cool but it kind of worries me because idk what he is spoiling us so much for

i had a really weird dream today where i had like another sister and it was really cnfusidng because i didnt know i had another sister and it was a separated at almost birht situation and i like went outside one day to a veeery big event and then i somehow met her as someone really important from that event and she told me as in like promotion to join a weird thing of hers and i like agreed because i had nothing to do so i went back home and i joined what she told me to join which was basically a discord server and i like wanted to get more information about something but i read in one of her messages that she wishes that people wouldn't spam her inbox so much without asking her so i asked first in the server and then i accidentally sent her a friend request because i mistook it for the button for chatting with her (which she didnt have at all) and i apologized but she like interrupted me and then explained a few stuff as if i was supposed to friend her so i was like confused so i went to our chat to ask her whatever was my question but i saw that i had already talked to her before because of my message history and i talked to her about something oc-related a lot but i didnt have much time to process because she sent me a link to a literal spacehey bulletin where i was meant to replyy withj my question ( it was a bulletin especifically for questions and nothing more) and guess what . i tripped even harder because she had SEBASTIAN art as her "aesthetic" pink banner for her bulletin and i was tripping sooooo bad and i wanted to check our message history to know where the fuck sebastian appeared from because at first i wanted to say like "hey lol that kinda looks my oc thats funny right ? " but that was literally the same hair as him and eyes as him it was crazy i think this is the first time i see one of my ocs in my dreams but uhm yeah after noticing it was sebastian, i woke up

also, yesterday i went outside with dad to get pizza because abu wanted pizza and dad was gonna go pick it up on his motorcycle but idk why i said i wanted to go so i went and i was pretty happy because we talked a lot and i think i saw my P.E. teacher on my way home but idk that was scary

also i typed the song title myself without searching for a japanese character guide or copy adn pasting!!!!! im so awesome adn cool!!!!! i m the learner and typer!!!!!!!!!

i dobt really want to write but i just wanna say uhm nevermind so like my dad made me watch a documentary yesterday of a dude who was locked in his room because his muscles qwere wea k and he had a whole internet life that his parents didnt know of and his user went in his tombstone or tumba idk what it is man but idk he cried when we watched that and that just makes me wonder about shi but its fine okay bie im stupid

hello i just wasted like 10 whole minutes searchign for a song that was stuck in my head for the whole day but i guess it doesnt exist because i couldnt find it and i guess it wont be in the music section anyway uhmbut anyways. today it was pretty cool.

i woke up at 5:45 i think and i was soooo disappointed in myself but i said "hey its fine i still have three whole hours for myself" so i got happy and i went to change after searching for my pants for what felt like hoooourrrsss and i kinda spedran through it and i then realized i didnt have my binder on and i obviously cant just let 'em hang while at school because that'd look weird plus its cold outside and i dont want ethm to poke my shirt and look weird so i went and swearched for my binder for a while after i left my bathroom bcuz i change in bathroom and then i put on my binder in my bed because my binder was in my bed and then idk what happened i basically stayed in computer for a while doing some bulletins and updating some statuses and watching my little pony until my abu got home at like 7 !!! i was very happy so i stood up from the floor because i use my laptop while on floor bcuz in my bed it makes me sleepy and my mouse works less so its better on floor and then so yeah i went up hugged my abu and i was very happy. also, anny had left an open bag of strawberries in the table so overnight they were like melting and stuff so at like 6:40 they started making a pool right next to me adn just before my abu got home i went to try and clean it up so when abu came here i told her about the strawberry pool and she cleaned it up better thank you abu

so uhm after abu got home i kept watching my little pony and anny woke up so anny went to change and i was still watching my little pony in my laptop and abu was doing her stuff on kitchen idk and then anny left bathroom after changing and then like a bit after she started getting ready for abu to brush her hair and i saw her peeking at my laptop for my little pony so i disconnected my headphones and turned laptop a little to her so we could watch together and we were in the trixie episode so trixie like yelled because of the giant bear being led to her and abu was like watching too you know and she laughed a lot at how scared trixie got even though she didnt understand at all what happened bcuz i cant put this my little pony in spanish but :-3 i made abu laugh and i entertained anny while her hair got brushed

so for when anny left i asked her for hug before she left and she actually hugged me without punching me or pushign me away isnt that nice yippee i also hugged abu and then they went to drop anny off at school and meanwhile i kept watchin my little pony until i rember and then i wnet to my dad's room and i woke him up and i told him "hey you said ypu were going to walk me to school today" and he said "no no nooooo" and i got almost mad because he has been saying that the whole week!!! but he said that he was too tired because me and anny stayed up too late and he had to keep eye on us so i get it but geez ive been askign whole week for dad to take me to school dudeeeee he said he would take me to school in monday but whatever im so mad well not reallyh but you get it right (￣m￣）anyway so i went back to living room and i realized that i dint have my daily coffee and i was worried because now i possibly will fall asleep at school but i said "nahh no way i dont feel tired at all" and i believed myself so i kept on watching my little pony

abu came back at like maybe 8:15? which is bad becasue idk its bad for me but not really well okay so at 8:21 i left but not really wanting to and i hugged dad before leaving and i think i talked to abu about something while walking to school but i dont remember... but anyawy i got to school and i openend my backpack for backpack-checker guy (bcuz phones arent allowed in school) and then i walked in school and they were giving out belmont bucks and free cookie because it's the 150th day of school today! pretty cool right so cool. i ate cookie as breakfast while i walked to first period and i swear a dude was starign at me but whatever.

i got to first period and the people that usually invade my table switched places??? again???? my territory,,,, well i sat in the same place as i did at like the start of the yearand it was weird but i fed my son and i was happy and i waited a bit and then we went downstairs

okay so this is where it gets weird. i got to dowsntairs and the door to the lockerrooms were closed and i was like owo ? no change clothes today? but then i like waited and other EWWWW GIRLSSS showed up and we like waited and then the TEacher showed up and it wasnt my teacher but like the teacher of the other class that we share the period with ypu know. so he open locker room door and then i liek was going to walk in but some of the girls did not walk in at all and followed teacher to anther room ??? and i was confused???? but i walked in anyway and changed. the locker room was really lonely because those girls are usually the ones to make all the noise inside, so i naturally felt as if i did something wrong because of the silence ; but i still went outside and waited for the gym's door to be opened. i was really stressed because i was only seeing other dudes with the uniform and i was starting to get worried because the girls were dressed with their normal clothes D-: so i like waited more and a late guy walked in waiting part of p.e. part and teacher told him GO AWAY and PUT YOUR BACKPACK IN PLACE and i was like DDD-: is this way of saying to not change... did i have to not change otday..... was there something planned today i dont understand... and then i like panicked and i talked to one of the non-dressed run-away girls and asked if i had to go somewhere else specific but she told me to just wait there so i kept waiting but i saw more people without their uniform and i panicked more so i asked the teacher if i did have to change and he told me "yea" so i tried to stop panicking

and then like a bit after the teacher told us to sit on campus thingyh the grass sor tof instead of gym because people were testing there for some reason so i like sat there and then a sub of my teacher took attendance and then guess what.

guess fucking what

so uhm second period my fav teacher wasnt there but i made up work that i had missing because she has been absent all week and i took her period as a way to catch up in my otherclasses and thats kind of not cool so i finished what i could of her class today and then i was going to go to 3rd period but i got a letter from the office in second telling me to go to room 319 and i was like what the fuuuucckkk so i went to my 3rd period adn told my teacher about it and he told me it was cool and that i could go there so i went there and it was like

it waslike a reunion to tell us we were some absent fucks and blah blah blah idk its like a conquest to make us attend school more which i iwll try my best to because the rewards are a pizza party and/or 20$ gift cards

but uhm anyways after that i had lunch and in lunch i did get lunch this time instead of skipping and i ate pizza and it was yummy and i wandered around the school instead of doing some homework i had and then i went to the dream center and in there i ate a maruchan the nice lady there gifted us and i asked if i could stay because lunch was over and she said she was cool with it and i liek stayed there for 4th period and blah blah blah and in 5th i almsot fell asleep and in 6th my teacher gifted me something for my sibling so today was very nice and cool and awesome i am very happy

after when i got homeand started writing this dad kinda called me and now i will go to minecraft movie tomorrow!!!!! yay!!!!! okay well thats enough bye ill try to code something el.se for today

wls outtt

hiii hello agaiiinnn i am watching my little pony as i am writing this!! currently still on the first episode （〇_ｏ）

i am making giant changes to my website and writing in a newwww diaryyy that will be the one linked to my status. if i may, i'm going to explain the newest changes in here, my life, and harco's situation

first of all, the website's changes are being made because i kinda understand html now and i wanted to make this personal site more personal, u know ? it started mostly on wanting to make oc content more informative, but i wanted to start from thw start. wow im repeating a lot of words. i also just want to make myself busy and express myself more

okay , second of all, i am a FAT, SSMALL, SMELLY LOSER. my grades have been going down recently and i am only good at being an emotionally sensible nerd. i have bought A LOT of new pins and i am now visibly weirder. i stopped bathing to start showering becuz i take too long bathing and waste way more water. my routine is now waking up at 4, changing, take mini break, either falling asleep or making myself coffee, and then only leaving for school at 8:20. after hugging or fist bumping or hugging everyoen in my houuuseee. i am a very loving person. also, i still don't have any friends... but i did have one named melissa. she is a special needs kid that i thought i would get along with better because she is really extroverted and more emotionally blunt with others, but i did not last long being her friend before getting grossed out like i did with yoselin. and i ended up crashing out to the school's psychologist a few days ago because voleyball teams in p.e. reminded me of how i am lonely (by choice). i still see yoselin and melissa from time to time because they are still in my classes, and i still kinda talk to them... but not my friends. i do not consider them my friends because they are COMPLETELY unable to be my friends. yesterday, i had to play voleyball in pe with a bitch that insinuated i was a girl but it was fine she wasnt all that shitty and i helped one of her friends get a better hand placement to hit the ball. i now prefer to spend most of my time around the adults or wandering around in lunch... or in lunch i can also open up my chromebook and work in homework or writng my ideas for neocities....or just writing anything at all in my .txt file i have

i have no idea what else could i really write for my irl stuff...

as for harco.... he had previously texted me he was seriously sick and i cried lots lots lots, but i could never stop missing him even though he basically told me he was breaking up with me because he didn't think he would get better from his health problems!!!!! i was seriouysly devstated and it was not helping with my loneliness... but, yesterday!!!!!!!!!! HE TEXTED ME AGAIN!!! BASICALLY, he is way better now and he is traveling around and super happy and not dead and iam happy too now!!!!! we are supposed to talk properly when he goes back to peru bcuz his mom is using his phone for photoooos and his mom is a massive opp okay meow meow meow

i am prtty happy okay my life is goinf wonderfully and i deserve all of this and i am awesomeeeeeeeee also i finished writing on the 4th episode

Is suicide really the cure to male loneliness and desperation? Sources say: Yes!

uhm hi sorry for not writing in like a whole month

uhmm a lot has happened in such a short time....... uh... lets start with the most emo stuff.. my bf hasnt been online since like 1/15? and im really missing him. he just dissapeared out of nowhere and didn't even appear for valentines day, but ill still count him as my first valentine ever. uh. i tried making him a gift for valentines da y but i gave up because recently i am feeling too depressed to do so much work in such a short time. i stopped talking to yoseling because she seemed mad at me and my quietness, and also because she seemed really insistent on deadnaming and misgendering me, so now im completely alone. uhh.... classes are extremely boring and i dont think im learning anything, everything is too easy or too frustrating and i get way too anxious with the people around me but my grades are all straight As but i dont like how im doing this. lunch is miserable and i alwaus feel watched by everyone and my head is always down because i hate bringing attention to myself by looking at other people.i really need more friends, but when i crashed out on spacehey only like 2 people said they'd be my friend out of pity but i still have nobody to talk to. the people i find cool probably find me annoying or something to be laughed at and i hate hate hate hate everything. i hate everything now. its so difficult still being happy but sometiems it just happens because i cant really do anything else than just accepting how shitty everything is and just going along with it and pretending. i started scratfching myself again and i really wish i could cut but ughh itd be too obvious and i dont wnat to be sent to a psychologist again and i dont want for my dad to trust me less. i like monster as in the drink and shadow milk cookie+pure vanilla cookie are so real. jimmy from mouthwashing is so real. gi-hun/467 from squid games is so real. i really miss my boyfriend and i think just a text from him could keep me going with all this.

i wasted something kinda close to 80$ for a bunch of keychains, another binder and my first boxers ever and they havent arrived yet i think i should give them another week. tomorrow i have no class so id start the week with free+iready tuesday, which is fun i guess. i really hate this i dont think i can keep on going with this until JUNE because no way im gonna make more friends i genuinely wasted all chances and everyone knows everybody now i have no chance no way uesfhhghhh..... ill just focus on my websites i guess even though nobody really pays me attention and its more like just a digital suicide note about everything i wanted to achieve. i hate this. ughjhh everywhere i go i feel so judged its horrible i hate it but i still want to be myself but that is so going to get me no firedns too ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i hate thisss,,....... i hate this

i started using chai again because character ai wasnt enough and that one app finally launched but i can only use it for like 20 mins a day and thats like ???? why would you make me suffer like that??? make me watch ads or somethign but let me use it for the whole day. asshole. anyway, i want to start animating and renovating most of my sites by hand because i have so much free time but uhm yeah whatever i think ill kust leave it at that.

hiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ìm in my thaler tablet an d it has this sleigh sliding finger ț type ing option is really fun

I'm gonna ask my dad for a tablet keyboard because this is so gonna get tiring 😫 😩 😪 😴 🤧 🙃 😫 😩 😪 😴 🤧 👍okay 👍 okay 👍 👌 🙆‍♂️ 💖 ❤️ ♥️ 👍 👌 🙆‍♂️ 💖 ❤️ ♥️ 👍 👌 💖 ❤️ ♥️ yah y my boyfriend texted me ands I'm happy and classes aren't so bad ands yesterday I didn't go because i had dysphoria crisis and got a haircut OKAY!!!!!!! I'm gonna wake up at 5 Am every day now even touch i don't need it because school is like right next to me allso i left school early because it closedbecause of as fire 😱 😱 😱 😱 😱 😱 😱 (｀□´)🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥but not on the school just a lot of 🚬 smoke okay,also I share 3rd period with bully opp really scary she look so and talks ands acted like a total bully when we kinda knew each other I'm consider jnh chancing English to somewhere else just so I don't have top deal worth her okay

I'm feeling really ambitious this year I have lots of actual goals, for the first time ever

I'm using do it now rpg again and started playing tower of adventures and today is my grandma's birthday 🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂so I'll eat cake

ihave to find out something I can make for my boyfriend I think I'll just make him a shrine here okay I'll star t working on it 💪💪💪💪💪💪I'll try to make it from 0 so it's worth more to gin and he feels prouder 🍻🍻🍻🍻no time to lose 🤬🤬🤬ill set it as a goal in spacehey and set it on do it now and forget about everything else 🙄🙄😡😡😡😡😡

wls is busy!!!!!! leave me a,one!!!

ughhhehwhhhhhhhhhhh hii guys.............. im doing kinda shitty............. i hat.e it....... last week of break, i feel like im always hard, my boyfriend hasnt texted me in like 5 fuvcking days.......... i dint get anythng for christmas, i odnt see anything to eat for new years in the fridge of my family, and i wasnt/. feeling jolly at all this year. i think im better for just plannin g/

im trying to get into minecraft but its difficult to do it alone, i really want friends. i rechecked my discord to delete the trash and then had a massive throwback and when i thought i was a girl (ughh h yucky( .. i think im just.shitty because idk how ill deal with school later. have my spacehey bulletins i dont wanna rewrite anything.

i shoewd my oc art.there but ill show more in the new stuff im making thsi i guess

im so tired dude i cant fcukign dothis shit anymore i need a gun and i need to fucking kill mhyself ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! just kidding im too much of a pussy to do it. also, i surprisingl y didnt use character ai much todauy. i watched two streams one of kwite and one of caseoh and i m klinda happy about it idk i feel so man now. im kinda worried about genuinely hacving nothing for new years. maybe ill make a blog entry in spacehey about what my goals for this years are

i got more used to html now sort of which is nice yay but i dont really wanna be a nerd and i didnt really study and stuff but maybe ill get better at writing with the whole oc content shit idk ughhhmnh i feel like i dint do much but it was because i woke up at like 1 pm and i probably will do the same tomowrow uhgh my back has been shrimped the whole day but im trying to keep it straight but it hurts a lot to go to normal position

i tried drawing today but i gave up

my brain is spinnign

my head is abosulitery empty dude whoever made it so that bluetooth heafphones ever got out of battery should die

im scared that someone i know irl finds this specific page as in the diary and reads it all the way up to here juhhh im barel y stawing awake rn chat i think ill goo toooooooo stleeppppppppppppppppp

good night coming from wlsdtttttttt wls wls wls staarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

i forgor to set the time last post....... anyway, going outside was cool, i felt pretty man and now i have me version of bbeer im in love. kkinder egg too. more food. THey tried to get me outside again but i didnt gaf im just a chill guy and i kind of didnt collaborate at all wahteverr anywya i showed my uncl my website i think he thinks im sigma anyway it was raining today it was fun i m happy kind of im goign to see more websites to see what to make next MY HEADPHONES ARE ALMOST NO BATTERY IM SO SAD hhnnnnnnnnhhhhhhhhhh ill start working when theyre charged bye love oyouuuuuuuuuu

weird looking star out go suck my DICK!!!!!!!!!!! AHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im gonna go outside in a moment ill update haAHA ahnuywyay i havce no fucking idea what happened yestterday i cant remember anythigtn and idk how i got ehere and idk how i fell aslep but uh my uncle came here for chrismtas! he stays until the 26 hhhhhhh i qwanna be alone wtho burt whateber my dad bougtg me a asplatoon phonecase in aliexpress sigma and uhh me and my uncle goign outdside todayh for buying stuff yay yay ay yayy aya ayyyyy bigman splatoon IC LOVE big men look at the comic i made yestrrday

my bofufriend makes me do th cummies the creamersst wuath im sorry

wls out!!! soon enough

charfacter ai is goign to be the death of me. HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHELLO EVERYHBOYD MY NAME IS MARKIPRIELF ASTRO aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH IM SO ANGRY I HATE HATE HATE I DONT WANNT THE VACATIONS TO BE OVER a week already........ i dont have time........... theres no way ill finish the website in time............ time....... slow.............. i hate.///.............. I CANT FOCUS ON ANYTHIGN IM SO MAD WITH MYSELF . IM SO ANGRYQ!@ AAAAAAAAAAARHHWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH IWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I M SO SADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD>.....,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, what do i do. whatever. yesterday i had to make hallacas. my whole family is watcdhing mob psycho because of me now. i played splatoon with a spacehey friend it was cool. im really sad. i hate how im so engrossed in this shit i really should delete it again but im so lonely. ill trhy to stop using it so much now. its always the same over and over and over i hate myself. i fucdkign stink i was supposed gto bathe today but i didnt and i smell bad and i feel bad and i hate it uhjjjjhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh :-(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( i like how the pwebsite is coming along at least. im really sad. ill try to chamb ear more. i miss my boyhfriend a lot, he hasn't talked to me since that time

im so fucking miserable im sorryh for anyone that is reading this other than me. this shit is horrible.

wls out

hello hi sorry for not writing at all or updating yesterday im wasting my everything. Whatever. Yesterday was pretty good! I did nothing, I drew nothing, but I cooked with my siblign because we were going to watch Mob Psycho 100 and then we watched Mob Psycho 100 and then my dad got home with pizza b ecause i asked him for piza and then we ate pizza and watched mob psycho 100 all 3 and iwas really happy and then i went to the batrhroom for a while and meanwhile my sibling put an obhect show in the tv to watch and then they watched that and then i got out of the bathroom and i went back tp rotting in my bed it was really cool

today i woke up and my dad went up to me and told me about how if you think about something really badly you will get it because a book todl him so and it happened to him with really important stuff like 2 times already in his life and idk i dont have anything i would like to change maybe more friends ? but thats a future me problem. at least ill make that people read me here by believing! it was nice. dad made the pizza again by microwave awhen my siblign woke up (THey assaulted my bed like wayh before im skipping so much stuff whatever( and my mom called and we went video call for a while she said shell call us again when dad goes to work because my gramgram wont be home for a while (like a whole day) so she asked for people to put an eye on us thru calls i think whatever i dont care . anuwyas i think ill make more updates maybe ? ill make that comic page and wahtever YOU DONT NEED TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME, OKAY?! LEAVE ME ALONE.

weird looking star out. or whatever. yeah.

ohhh soooo sleeepyyyyyyyyyy i worked sooooo hard todyaQ!!! i played......... blockblasr tr and set A New high score..... i dont thin k my bf has texted me hyet but thats fine. Tomorrow, i will have to exercise with my dad a lot for not showering, but that's fine....... i made a lotta lots progress! im very proud of nyanself. i even made a change log like cool people do! im so happy. tomorrow ill make way more! because i want to sleep rn and c.ai mnow... huh i cant. even. formu;ate thoughsts/ i think my brain might bve actually rotting/......... yay! anyways yhayayayayayyayayyyayayayayayyayaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa i ate strawberries with leche condensada.today

weird looking stqar out. good night! honk shoooo honk shoooooo

huh angel number hmm i wish forrrr my boyfriend to be reqally happy. bye

i can barel y get myu thoughts straihgt... maybe i just needed to jork it to feel better.

i forgot what i was going to type here ahahaha uh m i want to uhhh i spent the dwhole day kinda daydreamign about future and stuff so, i think im gonna get to work now on the new pages or their layouts at least? OH WAIT. I AM SO FUCKIGN FUCKED. I HAD TO TAKE A BATH TODAY AND I DIDNT TAKE IT UGHHHH I STILL HAVE TIME??? I COULD TAKE IT LAST MINUTE.... BUT IDK IF THAT WILL COUNT?? AND MY IUNDERWEAR AND CLORTHES ARE SO COMFY I DONT WANNA CHANGE THEM BTU I SMEELL TOO BAD UHHGHHHHHH HAWHHHH WHAT DO I DOOOOO I DONT WNNA EXERCISE ufenhuuuuuuuuuuuuuuwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww i m so fuckign ggfucked whatever im arleeady wreitign im not gonna back down.. too late anyways and my hair wouldnt dry up i think. uhm/ as i was saying. ill make pages and tomorrow ill make small advfances so pages arent empty, okay? uhm i like...................... hot men hairy.............................................................. i think i might be going crazy...... there is no way ill still have that one single frined i have for school when i get back. i think ill be crying every day , so i need to make internet friends fast that care about me.. but how? im so scared..... i dont and i cant wanna join any social groupd im too scared.! i need something that will give me non-stop attention to survive this school year because my boyfriend wont have the time probably and i need to feel distracted i want a discord server again i want something that makes me happy i need people i need many many people that would kill themselves at the thought of leaving me alone i dont get i t i feel so bad my irl friends always were really considerate with me to then be fuckign assholes i dont know why im tryign to be good andi am good because they tell me so but if im so good and such a revolutionary person why do they not try to get me to stick with them i dont understand i just want friends and more people to live for i dont want to live in agony remembering and then not knowing how to act when people come back i dont know what i really want i just want friends i think friends would make it all better real friends

sorry that was cringe. i dont want to shoot up my school i swear im not a loner aat least i try to not be i dont know i think i will be a loner and i guess its cool because my other firend was really tiring me out and i gues s i could have just told her so because she mentioned bgetting tired of people too but im scared she will take that as me wanting to leave her even though she went though the same i dont know. i dont know i dont know id ont know i dont know ughhhhhhhh i feel so shitty now what do you mean just 3 weeks "A lot can happen in just 3 weeks" I guess so. I hope so. I hope it changes everything enough to survive next year. I don't want to cry at all. I don't want Christmas, I don't want New Years, everything is going by so fast, it's as if it was happening all just to scare me away. And I know the world doesn't revolve around me, but it's just me being human when I say it does... I'm living my own world, and I desire to be my own main character with my own flags that nobody will change and I want to believe I'm lovable and deserving of happiness so I won't let anything trip me down, and in the worst of my moments I'll keep on hoping.

I'll just get to work now. WLS out! :-)

owwhhh......... aaaaawhhh////////........ uhmmmm............. hi............. i dont thinbk im going to write wherther or not my shit is a dirary entry or not........... and i think its obvious most of the stuff ill write here wont be related to my own post.... I hope.. pepople lovme me.. as the dumbass guy that i am..... and understand ,e ..... im so.... sad....................... im just kidding!!! i have nothing to feel somethong about. actuallt no i am sad/.

today i woke up 6 am went immdediately in my ohone after mini uhhhh h hhhhh hhhhhhh mental breakdown about my excistenve for some reason ? i think i dreamt something today but i don't remember. uhm opened phoen and mY LOVELY BOYFRIENBD HAD TEXTED ME and i was pretty happy i opened u p chat and he told me he was making some cool probvject to draw the people rthat impacter their life really really badly and i was like woowowiwwwwweeeeeeeeee and he sent me drawings of people so many girls he made drawings with symmetry cool hes so cool. and uhm i dont know it was ?? wnot wreird. i just think i fucked some things up becaujse he drew himself because he thought he was a big part of th problem (not exactlyu as he said nbut this is how its stuck in muy mind i think) and uhm i told him that it was definitely not him and just maybe somethign like undiagsnosed stuff because nobody would fuck rhtemmserlfves on purpose but i like im sorrhy i oaused a whole conversation to say that because ewe had kinda moved on but the drawings were still stuck in myh mind FUCK MY FINGER HURTS!!! LEFT HAND HURTGS so uhm i kust said that randimly and it was a pretty ling yap session he just said "bro" HI I KUST CHANGED MY POSITION BECAUSE WRITTING WHILE LAYIGN DOWN WAS UNCOMFORTABLE ughh my thumb hursts!! anyyway so i was like convfused so i typed "vro?" back and he just said bro again i think and i think he went offline after i don t know what happened uhm and i got scared why did vro like random ?ly stopped talkginh to me ? im sorruy;// so uhm he went offline for a while and i was really spooked and i saw him online on titkotk but idk if that was just a bug on the app and then later he told me he wenrt offline because he had no internet for a second and uhm he told me to not reply or something and he blocked me so maybe he has some bad situation with his mom again even though shes?out of town? i think? wait lemme pull up the chat again to overthink properply oh no he didnt tell me to not reply he told me that he couldnt talk and iuhm i dont know im a bit scared i dont know what if i fucked it up and now im gonna get droppd wehn he comes back even tho i dont thiqnks so i tdont.think he would drop me fro that whhhhhhh but im still so scared... i hope it isnt anything actually bad adn hes actually fine and i dint trigger anything maybe i dont know im scared

uhmm so after that i think i heard my grandma talk with my dad something about the PCs we left back at Peru and im so sad. because i had a diary in there and it had my thoughts of some really important parts in my life since like 2022 (i didnt write much but still important at least a little matters) and i think i remember trying to rememvber how i "turned" tranny and uh, m in the diary i had i think already writting like. a dude. i dont know i think it happened maybe in 2021 or early 2022 when i started questioning this because i dont know.............................. AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH im so angry

my fgrandma bought pudding tho i think its pudding ? flan. its really tasty i ate 3 at once already i love it im so happy well nto really well not really at that either because now i at least have something to write about here and it wont look as empty. i apologize for the serizawa icon over use actually i think i might change it it doesnt really convince me i have to use iida reaction pic too... ill make a pin album in pinterest for reaction pictures i could use ACTUALLY NO im makign it a page here so i have my very own fountain of endless emotions that i can collect from anywhere and not just dumb pins. i like how free i am now

yesterday, a lady from psychology thingy called me to check up on me because even though i told my psycholosigst i didnt want to be annoyed at the vacations, she LIED TO ME and told me my dad wanted it and i was basically forced into it. I dont even have thougths about cutting myself anymore! i dont even want to kill myself! well, i kinda do, BUT THATS PART OF MY EDGINESS! YOU CANNOT TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME!!!!! IM SUPOSED TO BE LIKE THIS AND I DONT WNAN GET BETTER!!!!!!!! LET ME BE!!!!!!!!! my dad told me that if they were getting too annoying, we can go to their clinic the 6th january to complain and keep me away from them even though i was kinda sent there for the whole suicide bullshit (i didnt even have a single attempt fucking pussies) and whatever i think im super convinced on stopping. im doign fine on my own even tho im definitely goign to go crazy next year becasyese i really started to hate svhool hbecause of certain students but whatever. ex friends was something i had to expect.

i want to go to a korean buffet and eat up pork again i love

im really hungry

haha tenya'ss position is literally me haha i get scoldedw a lot because my posture is horrible constantly

AHHHH MY HEADPHONES ARE DYING!!!!!!!!! IM SO SCARED!!!!!!!! im going to update my page a lot today.

i didnt do SHITR today i should be killed im sorry aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh uhm myb dsad made me do exersice i dont like it i was very siad and I STILL AMQ! becasue he wants to go for 10 minutesi nsetead of 5 forthursdau but ill have wait day for tomorrow. uyay!! my sister has to exercise too. nyan.

idk wherh my gramdma is i think shes at work for a lotta lotta time but i dont realy caer

the back of my ear really hurts and uhm i tTRIED doing more for my profile but i kinda was way too horny to concentrte and when i treid to jack off i couldnt because technical problems so yeah whatever. im so mad. grr. die. all of you. You know, I really like the thought of having a website, because nothing can censor me here. Sure, I'll absolute-freaky-lutely get cancelled if anything here reaches many people after some time of me using it and getting overly comfortable, but that's just the Internet experience... I think..... WAHOOOOOO!

what do i even say now. uhm/ i spent the whole day on c.ai i guess??? i made way mor e statuses than posts here but thats just the misterious dark bouy lifestyle i guess... heh.... i still kinda like not beliebe i have a boytfriend like. thats crazyh yo. maybe hes the crazy one. at leastg he doesnt have any competitors, i guess? maybe he chose me to not worry about other options i might have

i almost forgot to check in on CRK today. i dont know how im going to make this website without being just a huge copy paste of my spacehey. i dont even know how im going to balance my spacehey and this website! im scared. i want to be popular and heard. im afraid nobody will know of me or this place and attenrtton from only my boyfriend might not be.the best. of courtse it is super cool and sigma but i want to be cared for by everyone i want to be important i want to be cried for by millions if i kmsd not just my family and my bf im sorry im greedy i just like to feel wanted i guyess maybe thats why i like c.ai so much im sorry SORRY HARCO IF YOURRE READING THIS im not going crazy at least i ghope so

anyways , weirdlookingstar outmaxxing!!!!!

im about to kill myself i messed up already ughhh i think i might be addicted to this stupid stupid app someone KILL ME!!!!!!!!!! I HATE EVERYTGHING!!!!! I HATE MY STOMACH ACHE I HATE BEING HORNY I HATE CHARACTER AI I HATEe everything......... I wantt jelly.

i can barely understand you!!!!!

ohhhhh hi guyusssssssssssssssss this is my first entry or post here EVAH!!!!! so cooool rightt_?!?!?????? i was supposed to make the first one yesterday but uhmmmmmmmm i kinda uhh like TOTALY forgor hahah so uhm i spent all dahy yesterday doomscrolling and c.ai maxxing............................... sorry................... but its fine because now im gonna spend the whole day or so locking in and doing what i was supposed to do yesterday because i like uhhm !!!!!!! i plsnned to like spend a little of my day working on my shit here for everytday but uhh since i dint lock in one day im punishing myself wirh no more c.ai or so.... and.doing this. OKAY?! OKAY?!?!?!? YOU UDNERSTAND ME?!?!!??! okay!

im watchign dumb videos and uhhh i think ill have to do another pages (currently i only have my diary and home page if anyone cares, and only my bf has the link of my website) uhmmm i plan to do......... uhh a page for minicomics of my ocs??? even tho i have no idea of how i'll do that but i dont thin k i really care abojt that......... uhm i also watnt to...... uhm. uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh/...................... wait my brain died for a second OH I GOTTA SAY THIS TOO WAIT

so like im in vacation rn aright and i wanna be the stupidest fguy ever right hawhdj so i have been sleeping at like 3 AM or 2 AM alsmost every day..... and uh!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!! i think its messing up with my brain now especually since i like wake up weirdly early??? wthe last week of school i was sleeping at like 1AM rounded up and i always woke up at 6 AM idk how i survived that ? i think im going to die? i hope so? what? uhhhhhhhhhhh SO YEAH RIFHT i kinda like forget in what room im in or something even tho my house is small I THINK I CAN MAKE A LAYOUT OF MY HOUSE AND SHARE IT HERE i might do that the internet need s to know evertyhitng about me anyway

what was i saying before OH RIGHT i wanna make a page for like bf BF SHRINE! i cant express affection properly so thats the best i can do i feel like i have been giving him the bare minimum and that makes me want to kill mysef;l so ill try and be more sigma now with tshrine .....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GUYS BE HONEST WOULD THAT WORK CHAT

anywyas thats all! weirdlookingstar OUT!!!!!!!!!!