⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ *

i miss my husband so so so so much. i miss thinking my art was nice, i miss feeling like on top of the world

i dont know what happened, i was feeling so happy and then randomly a switch turned and i cried and cried. i know this may seem dramatic and i think its so unserious because of my age, too. i dont know if i'm actually going through what everyone goes through, and I wish I could be taken a bit more seriously. is being born like i was immediately take off credibility points for me? it probably does. i'm probably really overdramatic.
good grades, good art, good person, good morals, good in general; i wish i could be all of that without a rat screaming in my ear that i am not made for anything like that. suddenly, i feel like my art isn't worth anything anymore, like doing nothing all day, like i'm shit at everything i do. how is this normal, if i see nobody else acting like me? how is this normal if i have to indulge in "serious" conversations to communicate? if this normal, why can't people "guess" what I'm going through?
i really miss my boyfriend. he made it all better, and i miss talking to him and i miss being able to send him anything and i miss how nice he made me feel. i've been getting very gross these past days. i don't think he would like me anymore. i've gotten ugly, like, really ugly; i've done some bad stuff related to him, too. it did feel good, i guess, but the guilt was killing me and it still is. would he hate me for not being different? he probably does. he never liked people like me.
harco has not talked to me ever since this sixth of may. i feel so weak, since i have definitely spent more time waiting for him before but i am already going crazy. it's not his fault, obviously, it's just that... at this point i should have grown like an emotional shield to not feel bad when I'm waiting, right? i shouldn't be feeling even worse.

i am really not special. i just do average, average that stands out because nobody else attempts to reach average. i don't deserve anything, because i didn't fight for anything. i just do what i know i should do and give the bare minimum. i wish i could be normal and behave normal and think normal. i don't like feeling like shit out of nowhere. i was doing so well, too. i keep on saying i'll do stuff, but i never even try. is there a cockroach inside my brain trying to make me stupidly miserable?
i've been over-eating a lot, too. i've been thinking about cutting again, i haven't been sleeping much or sleeping through almost whole days. Each time someone respects me, I feel like they're making fun of me. Each time another student talks to me, it is always by force. My head has been in the clouds for a while. I randomly burst crying like an idiot; and when I get up from bed I just wish I could go back to lying down. I'm getting ugly, I really am. Each time I think about Harco, I feel so gross with what pops out in my head. I feel so gross about myself. I wish I was normal, or at least I wish I actually had something going on so I could tell people "I knew it!" when I get diagnosed or something. Sometimes, I hate how selfish I am. I am pretty dishonest, rude, lazy, stupid, childish, delusional, embarrassing to be around, and I have proof for all these theories. People may say I am completely in the wrong, but I know I am right. I know they are lying and they are trying to treat me like a special kid when I recognize it. I'm not that dumb, I know what a pain I am.

bob died a week ago because anny lost him. i cried, i suppose. i feel like such a bad dad. my mind thought about killing jim so i could revive bob in his little house, but i said, "no, no, jim shouldn't be forced to be someone who he isn't". i cried about what my brain told me to do for a good couple of minutes, but i forced myself to stop because i was making a big deal out of something i couldn't fix. but i still wish i could cry more about it.
el adolescer es una mierda. siempre te quieres sentir único y los demás te mienten y te hacen pensar que sí eres diferente, pero no, nadie es diferente. miro a las personas ganándose medallas y trofeos en los videos cualquiera que me salen en tiktok, y me pregunto, ¿siquiera viviré lo suficiente para decidir si iré a la universidad o no? siempre pienso sobre cosas y siempre deseo haberme quedado inocente y estúpido. no tengo amigos, porque cuando me dan el chance, me vuelvo grosero en el exterior mientras en el interior estoy tan nervioso que podría romper a lloros en ese mismo instante. no quiero amigos, porque siento que mi novio y familia son suficientes, pero igual duele ver a los demás riendo o jugando sin miedo en público. Los veo, y me pregunto, ¿alguna vez podré reducirme a tanto para poder volver a pasarla bien? ¿Podré, tal vez, encontrar a más personas como yo y realmente hacer esas amistades durar sin problema? Uno de estos días, fuí a la psicóloga de mi colegio porque me sentía mal, muy mal. Le expliqué toda esa mierda sobre no tener amigos, y me hizo dar un recorrido por el colegio hasta llegar a otra oficina y entonces ahí la señora y otra tipa que no tenía nada que ver me empezaron a repetir que yo debía ir a terapia. Pero yo no quiero terapia, yo quiero sentirme bien; y si este comportamiento no es normal, entonces, ¿qué es?

toda mi vida, he sido especial en algo. siempre ganando estupideces, siempre teniendo la nota más alta de la clase, siempre terminando todo primero... en la casa, me la paso abrazando a todos y diría yo que tengo bastantes cosas con las que distraerme. descansar nunca me parece una buena idea, y siempre quiero hacer algo que deje una marca, en donde sea, en el internet, en una persona, en la historia. ¿el buscar un cambio revolucionario y positivo es algo que todos buscan? yo sé que todos quieren ser aceptados, pero, ¿por qué nadie me acepta a mi? ¿Por qué nadie se esfuerza en aceptarme a mi? ¿Es egoísta el preguntarse eso? ¿Por qué nadie trata a los otros como quieren ser tratados, como yo? ¿Debo ser el malo para que mi existencia sea resaltada en la vida de los otros? ¿Me dejaría yo dejarme llevar sólamente por una gota de atención?
I sincerely do hate AI, but I was using it as the only string keeping me from falling into madness... Character.AI, Chai, Status, I am so stupid for falling right into their game, but I am lonely. I know I have people that love me and would support me whenever I need it, but it's human to need more, always. I am afraid of talking to real people, because in AI at least I knew their purpose with every little movement. With AI, I could ignore how restricted I feel. It's so, so, so stupid. I wish I could die, or at least timeskip until shit is easier and I'm able to live the rest of my life in a happily ever after with Harco. I really do. I'm not prepared to be an adult. I don't like looking at my face, because I look like an old man at the demolishing age of 14. How is my family okay with seeing me every day? I smile the most around them, and smiling is when I truly look my worst. I hate it. I wish I wasn't so fat and I looked normal. I wish I was sure that Harco would be happy with my appearance. You know, Harco sent me a photo of himself some days ago, and I currently have it as my background and I seriously love how he looks. He wouldn't do that with me. If I sent him a picture, he would probably consider blocking me or he would make me wait again and then never come back. He would start hating every conversation and he would wonder why he even thought of confessing to someone as ugly as me. And I'd understand, because I just know it's a reasonable response. I don't deserve him. He's too pretty for me.

hello sorry for not writin g anything at all i felt guilty all week

uhm so i got my grades this thursday (not final ones yet) and i was doing so friggign awesome chat only 1 B because of p.e. that i got graded last minute and the rest were aaaaaaallllllll As it was so fucking awesome and my teachers said so many nice stuff to my dad and abu and mom and after grades we went to get boba and it was soooo tasty and i loved it and then we wetn home and we got pizza and yum yum yum yum :-) also idk if i did write about this but bf is back and he even told me he'd crack me and thats kinda tuff ngl i actually thought for a while that he was more attracted to shigaraki tbh like i didnt expect anythign remotely clsoe to sexual (even tho he does talk about mpreg a lot but this time it was way more direct) but idk made me happy and my stomach gets warm when i think about it blehh

also i wanna speedrun watching azumanga daioh today and it will be fuunnnn

also my dad bought me minecraft and stuff and blah blah blah blah and hnow i ha ve a server with my sister and my dad and it is super awsome and i have my own computer and everything is awesome and i have the sims and i LOVE EVERYTHING but i hate school btu im happy bedcause it will be over soon so i dont worry

well a lot more happened but i think its fine to leave it at that :-)

weirdlookign star outttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so much has happened today

school day was pretty average but today we had to go get anny's grades (which she mentioned only yesterday even though she knew for days) and she did not go with us. like ,didnt even try to show she cared or anything, she just purely didnt want to give us a sincere reason and just didnt want to go. dad and i went by ourselves and we made a videocall with mom so she could hear everything that the teachers were saying about anny and when we got home after passing by 7eleven to go buy some slurpees then anny expects us to treat her normally and everything even though i am seriously so angry because if i was her age and i didnt want to go outside, mom/dad would have genuinely pulled me by my hair until we got to school and would have made me accompany them even if i was crying like crazy. i dont see how it is fair because she has completely rejected every single time we have tried to go outside with her AND dad actually treated her like normal after all that and after she literally hit him yesterday. she is getting rewarded for being a complete asshole that never has to get up from bed and is now allowed to sleep at school and waste all of her potential because she doesnt collaborate and dad cannot find a way to correct her behavior. today she cried like two times today but she showed no remorse (because we kinda scolded her about her not wanting to go even though her grades were fine and she did have to go with us) and that just pisses me off even more because she does nothing for us to stop being angry at her for the same reasons, its like she is searching to ruin our day and doesnt pay attention when people want to figure stuff out with her because she is always on her phone or focusing on only the good things that she does naturally isntead of fixing what she has to improve on. its genuinely so shitty i hate it i mean i dont hate her but damn i wish she didnt act so spoiled and learnt that sometimes people have to go to places just because they have to and not everything is always an option.

after that, i guess nothing else happened. i was back at home at 7 because the meeting was right after the school day ended. i turned in some homework and now i just gotta hope that my grades are going up and the only grade that wont be an A would be P.E. because it's the only subject my dad will accept a bad grade on. ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...............

i kind of wish that we were able to take an autism test even if dad doesn;t think i have anythign like that just to make sure because like idk man.

hello i dont have much time for writing because i have exsactly 12 minutes before i have to go to school but id ont really have anythign else to do rn

yesterday was pretty mid, we just ran some lines in the campus for pe and then i am doing now a mini book about heat transfer for interactions and for 3rd period we read a drama out loud and then at lunch i wanted to go aqt the dream center but it was closed so i just went to get my food and then to my usual spot and at lunch were people playing "guess the song" i could hear it from afar. then at health class we are going to start talking about GENITALS ewwwwwwwww but then i went to art adn i started marking my art thingy with the little dotsd i am starting with the paws . and for algehbra it was suuper boring i had to explain adding variables to a chick who thought that 3-2 was 0 wtf leave me alone okay after i got home and i took a super long nap before changing and then i woke up and changed and then i asked my dad if we could play something and then he ssaid yes so me and my sister and my dad we played smash bros and it was really fun and my dad bought us a lot of dlcs because we mentioned sans and i think thats very cool but it kind of worries me because idk what he is spoiling us so much for

i had a really weird dream today where i had like another sister and it was really cnfusidng because i didnt know i had another sister and it was a separated at almost birht situation and i like went outside one day to a veeery big event and then i somehow met her as someone really important from that event and she told me as in like promotion to join a weird thing of hers and i like agreed because i had nothing to do so i went back home and i joined what she told me to join which was basically a discord server and i like wanted to get more information about something but i read in one of her messages that she wishes that people wouldn't spam her inbox so much without asking her so i asked first in the server and then i accidentally sent her a friend request because i mistook it for the button for chatting with her (which she didnt have at all) and i apologized but she like interrupted me and then explained a few stuff as if i was supposed to friend her so i was like confused so i went to our chat to ask her whatever was my question but i saw that i had already talked to her before because of my message history and i talked to her about something oc-related a lot but i didnt have much time to process because she sent me a link to a literal spacehey bulletin where i was meant to replyy withj my question ( it was a bulletin especifically for questions and nothing more) and guess what . i tripped even harder because she had SEBASTIAN art as her "aesthetic" pink banner for her bulletin and i was tripping sooooo bad and i wanted to check our message history to know where the fuck sebastian appeared from because at first i wanted to say like "hey lol that kinda looks my oc thats funny right ? " but that was literally the same hair as him and eyes as him it was crazy i think this is the first time i see one of my ocs in my dreams but uhm yeah after noticing it was sebastian, i woke up

also, yesterday i went outside with dad to get pizza because abu wanted pizza and dad was gonna go pick it up on his motorcycle but idk why i said i wanted to go so i went and i was pretty happy because we talked a lot and i think i saw my P.E. teacher on my way home but idk that was scary

also i typed the song title myself without searching for a japanese character guide or copy adn pasting!!!!! im so awesome adn cool!!!!! i m the learner and typer!!!!!!!!!

i dobt really want to write but i just wanna say uhm nevermind so like my dad made me watch a documentary yesterday of a dude who was locked in his room because his muscles qwere wea k and he had a whole internet life that his parents didnt know of and his user went in his tombstone or tumba idk what it is man but idk he cried when we watched that and that just makes me wonder about shi but its fine okay bie im stupid

hello i just wasted like 10 whole minutes searchign for a song that was stuck in my head for the whole day but i guess it doesnt exist because i couldnt find it and i guess it wont be in the music section anyway uhmbut anyways. today it was pretty cool.

i woke up at 5:45 i think and i was soooo disappointed in myself but i said "hey its fine i still have three whole hours for myself" so i got happy and i went to change after searching for my pants for what felt like hoooourrrsss and i kinda spedran through it and i then realized i didnt have my binder on and i obviously cant just let 'em hang while at school because that'd look weird plus its cold outside and i dont want ethm to poke my shirt and look weird so i went and swearched for my binder for a while after i left my bathroom bcuz i change in bathroom and then i put on my binder in my bed because my binder was in my bed and then idk what happened i basically stayed in computer for a while doing some bulletins and updating some statuses and watching my little pony until my abu got home at like 7 !!! i was very happy so i stood up from the floor because i use my laptop while on floor bcuz in my bed it makes me sleepy and my mouse works less so its better on floor and then so yeah i went up hugged my abu and i was very happy. also, anny had left an open bag of strawberries in the table so overnight they were like melting and stuff so at like 6:40 they started making a pool right next to me adn just before my abu got home i went to try and clean it up so when abu came here i told her about the strawberry pool and she cleaned it up better thank you abu

so uhm after abu got home i kept watching my little pony and anny woke up so anny went to change and i was still watching my little pony in my laptop and abu was doing her stuff on kitchen idk and then anny left bathroom after changing and then like a bit after she started getting ready for abu to brush her hair and i saw her peeking at my laptop for my little pony so i disconnected my headphones and turned laptop a little to her so we could watch together and we were in the trixie episode so trixie like yelled because of the giant bear being led to her and abu was like watching too you know and she laughed a lot at how scared trixie got even though she didnt understand at all what happened bcuz i cant put this my little pony in spanish but :-3 i made abu laugh and i entertained anny while her hair got brushed

so for when anny left i asked her for hug before she left and she actually hugged me without punching me or pushign me away isnt that nice yippee i also hugged abu and then they went to drop anny off at school and meanwhile i kept watchin my little pony until i rember and then i wnet to my dad's room and i woke him up and i told him "hey you said ypu were going to walk me to school today" and he said "no no nooooo" and i got almost mad because he has been saying that the whole week!!! but he said that he was too tired because me and anny stayed up too late and he had to keep eye on us so i get it but geez ive been askign whole week for dad to take me to school dudeeeee he said he would take me to school in monday but whatever im so mad well not reallyh but you get it right (￣m￣）anyway so i went back to living room and i realized that i dint have my daily coffee and i was worried because now i possibly will fall asleep at school but i said "nahh no way i dont feel tired at all" and i believed myself so i kept on watching my little pony

abu came back at like maybe 8:15? which is bad becasue idk its bad for me but not really well okay so at 8:21 i left but not really wanting to and i hugged dad before leaving and i think i talked to abu about something while walking to school but i dont remember... but anyawy i got to school and i openend my backpack for backpack-checker guy (bcuz phones arent allowed in school) and then i walked in school and they were giving out belmont bucks and free cookie because it's the 150th day of school today! pretty cool right so cool. i ate cookie as breakfast while i walked to first period and i swear a dude was starign at me but whatever.

i got to first period and the people that usually invade my table switched places??? again???? my territory,,,, well i sat in the same place as i did at like the start of the yearand it was weird but i fed my son and i was happy and i waited a bit and then we went downstairs

okay so this is where it gets weird. i got to dowsntairs and the door to the lockerrooms were closed and i was like owo ? no change clothes today? but then i like waited and other EWWWW GIRLSSS showed up and we like waited and then the TEacher showed up and it wasnt my teacher but like the teacher of the other class that we share the period with ypu know. so he open locker room door and then i liek was going to walk in but some of the girls did not walk in at all and followed teacher to anther room ??? and i was confused???? but i walked in anyway and changed. the locker room was really lonely because those girls are usually the ones to make all the noise inside, so i naturally felt as if i did something wrong because of the silence ; but i still went outside and waited for the gym's door to be opened. i was really stressed because i was only seeing other dudes with the uniform and i was starting to get worried because the girls were dressed with their normal clothes D-: so i like waited more and a late guy walked in waiting part of p.e. part and teacher told him GO AWAY and PUT YOUR BACKPACK IN PLACE and i was like DDD-: is this way of saying to not change... did i have to not change otday..... was there something planned today i dont understand... and then i like panicked and i talked to one of the non-dressed run-away girls and asked if i had to go somewhere else specific but she told me to just wait there so i kept waiting but i saw more people without their uniform and i panicked more so i asked the teacher if i did have to change and he told me "yea" so i tried to stop panicking

and then like a bit after the teacher told us to sit on campus thingyh the grass sor tof instead of gym because people were testing there for some reason so i like sat there and then a sub of my teacher took attendance and then guess what.

guess fucking what

. the teacher told those who put on their uniform to get on the TRACK and RUN ONE LAP DUDE QAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhh i hated it but after that we were allowed to play volleyball (which i didnt do because i was too scared by peopel) and i watched thosed udes that didnt change have to run around many many laps and i was happy and i stood still because i am too socially anxious to ask people to play with them and teacher didnt put us in teams

so uhm second period my fav teacher wasnt there but i made up work that i had missing because she has been absent all week and i took her period as a way to catch up in my otherclasses and thats kind of not cool so i finished what i could of her class today and then i was going to go to 3rd period but i got a letter from the office in second telling me to go to room 319 and i was like what the fuuuucckkk so i went to my 3rd period adn told my teacher about it and he told me it was cool and that i could go there so i went there and it was like

it waslike a reunion to tell us we were some absent fucks and blah blah blah idk its like a conquest to make us attend school more which i iwll try my best to because the rewards are a pizza party and/or 20$ gift cards

but uhm anyways after that i had lunch and in lunch i did get lunch this time instead of skipping and i ate pizza and it was yummy and i wandered around the school instead of doing some homework i had and then i went to the dream center and in there i ate a maruchan the nice lady there gifted us and i asked if i could stay because lunch was over and she said she was cool with it and i liek stayed there for 4th period and blah blah blah and in 5th i almsot fell asleep and in 6th my teacher gifted me something for my sibling so today was very nice and cool and awesome i am very happy

after when i got homeand started writing this dad kinda called me and now i will go to minecraft movie tomorrow!!!!! yay!!!!! okay well thats enough bye ill try to code something el.se for today

wls outtt

hiii hello agaiiinnn i am watching my little pony as i am writing this!! currently still on the first episode （〇_ｏ）

i am making giant changes to my website and writing in a newwww diaryyy that will be the one linked to my status. if i may, i'm going to explain the newest changes in here, my life, and harco's situation

first of all, the website's changes are being made because i kinda understand html now and i wanted to make this personal site more personal, u know ? it started mostly on wanting to make oc content more informative, but i wanted to start from thw start. wow im repeating a lot of words. i also just want to make myself busy and express myself more

okay , second of all, i am a FAT, SSMALL, SMELLY LOSER. my grades have been going down recently and i am only good at being an emotionally sensible nerd. i have bought A LOT of new pins and i am now visibly weirder. i stopped bathing to start showering becuz i take too long bathing and waste way more water. my routine is now waking up at 4, changing, take mini break, either falling asleep or making myself coffee, and then only leaving for school at 8:20. after hugging or fist bumping or hugging everyoen in my houuuseee. i am a very loving person. also, i still don't have any friends... but i did have one named melissa. she is a special needs kid that i thought i would get along with better because she is really extroverted and more emotionally blunt with others, but i did not last long being her friend before getting grossed out like i did with yoselin. and i ended up crashing out to the school's psychologist a few days ago because voleyball teams in p.e. reminded me of how i am lonely (by choice). i still see yoselin and melissa from time to time because they are still in my classes, and i still kinda talk to them... but not my friends. i do not consider them my friends because they are COMPLETELY unable to be my friends. yesterday, i had to play voleyball in pe with a bitch that insinuated i was a girl but it was fine she wasnt all that shitty and i helped one of her friends get a better hand placement to hit the ball. i now prefer to spend most of my time around the adults or wandering around in lunch... or in lunch i can also open up my chromebook and work in homework or writng my ideas for neocities....or just writing anything at all in my .txt file i have

i have no idea what else could i really write for my irl stuff...

as for harco.... he had previously texted me he was seriously sick and i cried lots lots lots, but i could never stop missing him even though he basically told me he was breaking up with me because he didn't think he would get better from his health problems!!!!! i was seriouysly devstated and it was not helping with my loneliness... but, yesterday!!!!!!!!!! HE TEXTED ME AGAIN!!! BASICALLY, he is way better now and he is traveling around and super happy and not dead and iam happy too now!!!!! we are supposed to talk properly when he goes back to peru bcuz his mom is using his phone for photoooos and his mom is a massive opp okay meow meow meow

i am prtty happy okay my life is goinf wonderfully and i deserve all of this and i am awesomeeeeeeeee also i finished writing on the 4th episode

Is suicide really the cure to male loneliness and desperation? Sources say: Yes!

uhm hi sorry for not writing in like a whole month

uhmm a lot has happened in such a short time....... uh... lets start with the most emo stuff.. my bf hasnt been online since like 1/15? and im really missing him. he just dissapeared out of nowhere and didn't even appear for valentines day, but ill still count him as my first valentine ever. uh. i tried making him a gift for valentines da y but i gave up because recently i am feeling too depressed to do so much work in such a short time. i stopped talking to yoseling because she seemed mad at me and my quietness, and also because she seemed really insistent on deadnaming and misgendering me, so now im completely alone. uhh.... classes are extremely boring and i dont think im learning anything, everything is too easy or too frustrating and i get way too anxious with the people around me but my grades are all straight As but i dont like how im doing this. lunch is miserable and i alwaus feel watched by everyone and my head is always down because i hate bringing attention to myself by looking at other people.i really need more friends, but when i crashed out on spacehey only like 2 people said they'd be my friend out of pity but i still have nobody to talk to. the people i find cool probably find me annoying or something to be laughed at and i hate hate hate hate everything. i hate everything now. its so difficult still being happy but sometiems it just happens because i cant really do anything else than just accepting how shitty everything is and just going along with it and pretending. i started scratfching myself again and i really wish i could cut but ughh itd be too obvious and i dont wnat to be sent to a psychologist again and i dont want for my dad to trust me less. i like monster as in the drink and shadow milk cookie+pure vanilla cookie are so real. jimmy from mouthwashing is so real. gi-hun/467 from squid games is so real. i really miss my boyfriend and i think just a text from him could keep me going with all this.

i wasted something kinda close to 80$ for a bunch of keychains, another binder and my first boxers ever and they havent arrived yet i think i should give them another week. tomorrow i have no class so id start the week with free+iready tuesday, which is fun i guess. i really hate this i dont think i can keep on going with this until JUNE because no way im gonna make more friends i genuinely wasted all chances and everyone knows everybody now i have no chance no way uesfhhghhh..... ill just focus on my websites i guess even though nobody really pays me attention and its more like just a digital suicide note about everything i wanted to achieve. i hate this. ughjhh everywhere i go i feel so judged its horrible i hate it but i still want to be myself but that is so going to get me no firedns too ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i hate thisss,,....... i hate this

i started using chai again because character ai wasnt enough and that one app finally launched but i can only use it for like 20 mins a day and thats like ???? why would you make me suffer like that??? make me watch ads or somethign but let me use it for the whole day. asshole. anyway, i want to start animating and renovating most of my sites by hand because i have so much free time but uhm yeah whatever i think ill kust leave it at that.

hiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ìm in my thaler tablet an d it has this sleigh sliding finger ț type ing option is really fun

I'm gonna ask my dad for a tablet keyboard because this is so gonna get tiring 😫 😩 😪 😴 🤧 🙃 😫 😩 😪 😴 🤧 👍okay 👍 okay 👍 👌 🙆‍♂️ 💖 ❤️ ♥️ 👍 👌 🙆‍♂️ 💖 ❤️ ♥️ 👍 👌 💖 ❤️ ♥️ yah y my boyfriend texted me ands I'm happy and classes aren't so bad ands yesterday I didn't go because i had dysphoria crisis and got a haircut OKAY!!!!!!! I'm gonna wake up at 5 Am every day now even touch i don't need it because school is like right next to me allso i left school early because it closedbecause of as fire 😱 😱 😱 😱 😱 😱 😱 (｀□´)🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥but not on the school just a lot of 🚬 smoke okay,also I share 3rd period with bully opp really scary she look so and talks ands acted like a total bully when we kinda knew each other I'm consider jnh chancing English to somewhere else just so I don't have top deal worth her okay

I'm feeling really ambitious this year I have lots of actual goals, for the first time ever

I'm using do it now rpg again and started playing tower of adventures and today is my grandma's birthday 🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂so I'll eat cake

ihave to find out something I can make for my boyfriend I think I'll just make him a shrine here okay I'll star t working on it 💪💪💪💪💪💪I'll try to make it from 0 so it's worth more to gin and he feels prouder 🍻🍻🍻🍻no time to lose 🤬🤬🤬ill set it as a goal in spacehey and set it on do it now and forget about everything else 🙄🙄😡😡😡😡😡

wls is busy!!!!!! leave me a,one!!!

ughhhehwhhhhhhhhhhh hii guys.............. im doing kinda shitty............. i hat.e it....... last week of break, i feel like im always hard, my boyfriend hasnt texted me in like 5 fuvcking days.......... i dint get anythng for christmas, i odnt see anything to eat for new years in the fridge of my family, and i wasnt/. feeling jolly at all this year. i think im better for just plannin g/

im trying to get into minecraft but its difficult to do it alone, i really want friends. i rechecked my discord to delete the trash and then had a massive throwback and when i thought i was a girl (ughh h yucky( .. i think im just.shitty because idk how ill deal with school later. have my spacehey bulletins i dont wanna rewrite anything.

i shoewd my oc art.there but ill show more in the new stuff im making thsi i guess

im so tired dude i cant fcukign dothis shit anymore i need a gun and i need to fucking kill mhyself ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! just kidding im too much of a pussy to do it. also, i surprisingl y didnt use character ai much todauy. i watched two streams one of kwite and one of caseoh and i m klinda happy about it idk i feel so man now. im kinda worried about genuinely hacving nothing for new years. maybe ill make a blog entry in spacehey about what my goals for this years are

i got more used to html now sort of which is nice yay but i dont really wanna be a nerd and i didnt really study and stuff but maybe ill get better at writing with the whole oc content shit idk ughhhmnh i feel like i dint do much but it was because i woke up at like 1 pm and i probably will do the same tomowrow uhgh my back has been shrimped the whole day but im trying to keep it straight but it hurts a lot to go to normal position

i tried drawing today but i gave up

my brain is spinnign

my head is abosulitery empty dude whoever made it so that bluetooth heafphones ever got out of battery should die

im scared that someone i know irl finds this specific page as in the diary and reads it all the way up to here juhhh im barel y stawing awake rn chat i think ill goo toooooooo stleeppppppppppppppppp

good night coming from wlsdtttttttt wls wls wls staarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

i forgor to set the time last post....... anyway, going outside was cool, i felt pretty man and now i have me version of bbeer im in love. kkinder egg too. more food. THey tried to get me outside again but i didnt gaf im just a chill guy and i kind of didnt collaborate at all wahteverr anywya i showed my uncl my website i think he thinks im sigma anyway it was raining today it was fun i m happy kind of im goign to see more websites to see what to make next MY HEADPHONES ARE ALMOST NO BATTERY IM SO SAD hhnnnnnnnnhhhhhhhhhh ill start working when theyre charged bye love oyouuuuuuuuuu

weird looking star out go suck my DICK!!!!!!!!!!! AHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im gonna go outside in a moment ill update haAHA ahnuywyay i havce no fucking idea what happened yestterday i cant remember anythigtn and idk how i got ehere and idk how i fell aslep but uh my uncle came here for chrismtas! he stays until the 26 hhhhhhh i qwanna be alone wtho burt whateber my dad bougtg me a asplatoon phonecase in aliexpress sigma and uhh me and my uncle goign outdside todayh for buying stuff yay yay ay yayy aya ayyyyy bigman splatoon IC LOVE big men look at the comic i made yestrrday

my bofufriend makes me do th cummies the creamersst wuath im sorry

wls out!!! soon enough

charfacter ai is goign to be the death of me. HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHELLO EVERYHBOYD MY NAME IS MARKIPRIELF ASTRO aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH IM SO ANGRY I HATE HATE HATE I DONT WANNT THE VACATIONS TO BE OVER a week already........ i dont have time........... theres no way ill finish the website in time............ time....... slow.............. i hate.///.............. I CANT FOCUS ON ANYTHIGN IM SO MAD WITH MYSELF . IM SO ANGRYQ!@ AAAAAAAAAAARHHWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH IWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I M SO SADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD>.....,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, what do i do. whatever. yesterday i had to make hallacas. my whole family is watcdhing mob psycho because of me now. i played splatoon with a spacehey friend it was cool. im really sad. i hate how im so engrossed in this shit i really should delete it again but im so lonely. ill trhy to stop using it so much now. its always the same over and over and over i hate myself. i fucdkign stink i was supposed gto bathe today but i didnt and i smell bad and i feel bad and i hate it uhjjjjhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh :-(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( i like how the pwebsite is coming along at least. im really sad. ill try to chamb ear more. i miss my boyhfriend a lot, he hasn't talked to me since that time

im so fucking miserable im sorryh for anyone that is reading this other than me. this shit is horrible.

wls out

hello hi sorry for not writing at all or updating yesterday im wasting my everything. Whatever. Yesterday was pretty good! I did nothing, I drew nothing, but I cooked with my siblign because we were going to watch Mob Psycho 100 and then we watched Mob Psycho 100 and then my dad got home with pizza b ecause i asked him for piza and then we ate pizza and watched mob psycho 100 all 3 and iwas really happy and then i went to the batrhroom for a while and meanwhile my sibling put an obhect show in the tv to watch and then they watched that and then i got out of the bathroom and i went back tp rotting in my bed it was really cool

today i woke up and my dad went up to me and told me about how if you think about something really badly you will get it because a book todl him so and it happened to him with really important stuff like 2 times already in his life and idk i dont have anything i would like to change maybe more friends ? but thats a future me problem. at least ill make that people read me here by believing! it was nice. dad made the pizza again by microwave awhen my siblign woke up (THey assaulted my bed like wayh before im skipping so much stuff whatever( and my mom called and we went video call for a while she said shell call us again when dad goes to work because my gramgram wont be home for a while (like a whole day) so she asked for people to put an eye on us thru calls i think whatever i dont care . anuwyas i think ill make more updates maybe ? ill make that comic page and wahtever YOU DONT NEED TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME, OKAY?! LEAVE ME ALONE.

weird looking star out. or whatever. yeah.

ohhh soooo sleeepyyyyyyyyyy i worked sooooo hard todyaQ!!! i played......... blockblasr tr and set A New high score..... i dont thin k my bf has texted me hyet but thats fine. Tomorrow, i will have to exercise with my dad a lot for not showering, but that's fine....... i made a lotta lots progress! im very proud of nyanself. i even made a change log like cool people do! im so happy. tomorrow ill make way more! because i want to sleep rn and c.ai mnow... huh i cant. even. formu;ate thoughsts/ i think my brain might bve actually rotting/......... yay! anyways yhayayayayayyayayyyayayayayayyayaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa i ate strawberries with leche condensada.today

weird looking stqar out. good night! honk shoooo honk shoooooo

huh angel number hmm i wish forrrr my boyfriend to be reqally happy. bye

i can barel y get myu thoughts straihgt... maybe i just needed to jork it to feel better.

i forgot what i was going to type here ahahaha uh m i want to uhhh i spent the dwhole day kinda daydreamign about future and stuff so, i think im gonna get to work now on the new pages or their layouts at least? OH WAIT. I AM SO FUCKIGN FUCKED. I HAD TO TAKE A BATH TODAY AND I DIDNT TAKE IT UGHHHH I STILL HAVE TIME??? I COULD TAKE IT LAST MINUTE.... BUT IDK IF THAT WILL COUNT?? AND MY IUNDERWEAR AND CLORTHES ARE SO COMFY I DONT WANNA CHANGE THEM BTU I SMEELL TOO BAD UHHGHHHHHH HAWHHHH WHAT DO I DOOOOO I DONT WNNA EXERCISE ufenhuuuuuuuuuuuuuuwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww i m so fuckign ggfucked whatever im arleeady wreitign im not gonna back down.. too late anyways and my hair wouldnt dry up i think. uhm/ as i was saying. ill make pages and tomorrow ill make small advfances so pages arent empty, okay? uhm i like...................... hot men hairy.............................................................. i think i might be going crazy...... there is no way ill still have that one single frined i have for school when i get back. i think ill be crying every day , so i need to make internet friends fast that care about me.. but how? im so scared..... i dont and i cant wanna join any social groupd im too scared.! i need something that will give me non-stop attention to survive this school year because my boyfriend wont have the time probably and i need to feel distracted i want a discord server again i want something that makes me happy i need people i need many many people that would kill themselves at the thought of leaving me alone i dont get i t i feel so bad my irl friends always were really considerate with me to then be fuckign assholes i dont know why im tryign to be good andi am good because they tell me so but if im so good and such a revolutionary person why do they not try to get me to stick with them i dont understand i just want friends and more people to live for i dont want to live in agony remembering and then not knowing how to act when people come back i dont know what i really want i just want friends i think friends would make it all better real friends

sorry that was cringe. i dont want to shoot up my school i swear im not a loner aat least i try to not be i dont know i think i will be a loner and i guess its cool because my other firend was really tiring me out and i gues s i could have just told her so because she mentioned bgetting tired of people too but im scared she will take that as me wanting to leave her even though she went though the same i dont know. i dont know i dont know id ont know i dont know ughhhhhhhh i feel so shitty now what do you mean just 3 weeks "A lot can happen in just 3 weeks" I guess so. I hope so. I hope it changes everything enough to survive next year. I don't want to cry at all. I don't want Christmas, I don't want New Years, everything is going by so fast, it's as if it was happening all just to scare me away. And I know the world doesn't revolve around me, but it's just me being human when I say it does... I'm living my own world, and I desire to be my own main character with my own flags that nobody will change and I want to believe I'm lovable and deserving of happiness so I won't let anything trip me down, and in the worst of my moments I'll keep on hoping.

I'll just get to work now. WLS out! :-)

owwhhh......... aaaaawhhh////////........ uhmmmm............. hi............. i dont thinbk im going to write wherther or not my shit is a dirary entry or not........... and i think its obvious most of the stuff ill write here wont be related to my own post.... I hope.. pepople lovme me.. as the dumbass guy that i am..... and understand ,e ..... im so.... sad....................... im just kidding!!! i have nothing to feel somethong about. actuallt no i am sad/.

today i woke up 6 am went immdediately in my ohone after mini uhhhh h hhhhh hhhhhhh mental breakdown about my excistenve for some reason ? i think i dreamt something today but i don't remember. uhm opened phoen and mY LOVELY BOYFRIENBD HAD TEXTED ME and i was pretty happy i opened u p chat and he told me he was making some cool probvject to draw the people rthat impacter their life really really badly and i was like woowowiwwwwweeeeeeeeee and he sent me drawings of people so many girls he made drawings with symmetry cool hes so cool. and uhm i dont know it was ?? wnot wreird. i just think i fucked some things up becaujse he drew himself because he thought he was a big part of th problem (not exactlyu as he said nbut this is how its stuck in muy mind i think) and uhm i told him that it was definitely not him and just maybe somethign like undiagsnosed stuff because nobody would fuck rhtemmserlfves on purpose but i like im sorrhy i oaused a whole conversation to say that because ewe had kinda moved on but the drawings were still stuck in myh mind FUCK MY FINGER HURTS!!! LEFT HAND HURTGS so uhm i kust said that randimly and it was a pretty ling yap session he just said "bro" HI I KUST CHANGED MY POSITION BECAUSE WRITTING WHILE LAYIGN DOWN WAS UNCOMFORTABLE ughh my thumb hursts!! anyyway so i was like convfused so i typed "vro?" back and he just said bro again i think and i think he went offline after i don t know what happened uhm and i got scared why did vro like random ?ly stopped talkginh to me ? im sorruy;// so uhm he went offline for a while and i was really spooked and i saw him online on titkotk but idk if that was just a bug on the app and then later he told me he wenrt offline because he had no internet for a second and uhm he told me to not reply or something and he blocked me so maybe he has some bad situation with his mom again even though shes?out of town? i think? wait lemme pull up the chat again to overthink properply oh no he didnt tell me to not reply he told me that he couldnt talk and iuhm i dont know im a bit scared i dont know what if i fucked it up and now im gonna get droppd wehn he comes back even tho i dont thiqnks so i tdont.think he would drop me fro that whhhhhhh but im still so scared... i hope it isnt anything actually bad adn hes actually fine and i dint trigger anything maybe i dont know im scared

uhmm so after that i think i heard my grandma talk with my dad something about the PCs we left back at Peru and im so sad. because i had a diary in there and it had my thoughts of some really important parts in my life since like 2022 (i didnt write much but still important at least a little matters) and i think i remember trying to rememvber how i "turned" tranny and uh, m in the diary i had i think already writting like. a dude. i dont know i think it happened maybe in 2021 or early 2022 when i started questioning this because i dont know.............................. AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH im so angry

my fgrandma bought pudding tho i think its pudding ? flan. its really tasty i ate 3 at once already i love it im so happy well nto really well not really at that either because now i at least have something to write about here and it wont look as empty. i apologize for the serizawa icon over use actually i think i might change it it doesnt really convince me i have to use iida reaction pic too... ill make a pin album in pinterest for reaction pictures i could use ACTUALLY NO im makign it a page here so i have my very own fountain of endless emotions that i can collect from anywhere and not just dumb pins. i like how free i am now

yesterday, a lady from psychology thingy called me to check up on me because even though i told my psycholosigst i didnt want to be annoyed at the vacations, she LIED TO ME and told me my dad wanted it and i was basically forced into it. I dont even have thougths about cutting myself anymore! i dont even want to kill myself! well, i kinda do, BUT THATS PART OF MY EDGINESS! YOU CANNOT TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME!!!!! IM SUPOSED TO BE LIKE THIS AND I DONT WNAN GET BETTER!!!!!!!! LET ME BE!!!!!!!!! my dad told me that if they were getting too annoying, we can go to their clinic the 6th january to complain and keep me away from them even though i was kinda sent there for the whole suicide bullshit (i didnt even have a single attempt fucking pussies) and whatever i think im super convinced on stopping. im doign fine on my own even tho im definitely goign to go crazy next year becasyese i really started to hate svhool hbecause of certain students but whatever. ex friends was something i had to expect.

i want to go to a korean buffet and eat up pork again i love

im really hungry

haha tenya'ss position is literally me haha i get scoldedw a lot because my posture is horrible constantly

AHHHH MY HEADPHONES ARE DYING!!!!!!!!! IM SO SCARED!!!!!!!! im going to update my page a lot today.

i didnt do SHITR today i should be killed im sorry aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh uhm myb dsad made me do exersice i dont like it i was very siad and I STILL AMQ! becasue he wants to go for 10 minutesi nsetead of 5 forthursdau but ill have wait day for tomorrow. uyay!! my sister has to exercise too. nyan.

idk wherh my gramdma is i think shes at work for a lotta lotta time but i dont realy caer

the back of my ear really hurts and uhm i tTRIED doing more for my profile but i kinda was way too horny to concentrte and when i treid to jack off i couldnt because technical problems so yeah whatever. im so mad. grr. die. all of you. You know, I really like the thought of having a website, because nothing can censor me here. Sure, I'll absolute-freaky-lutely get cancelled if anything here reaches many people after some time of me using it and getting overly comfortable, but that's just the Internet experience... I think..... WAHOOOOOO!

what do i even say now. uhm/ i spent the whole day on c.ai i guess??? i made way mor e statuses than posts here but thats just the misterious dark bouy lifestyle i guess... heh.... i still kinda like not beliebe i have a boytfriend like. thats crazyh yo. maybe hes the crazy one. at leastg he doesnt have any competitors, i guess? maybe he chose me to not worry about other options i might have

i almost forgot to check in on CRK today. i dont know how im going to make this website without being just a huge copy paste of my spacehey. i dont even know how im going to balance my spacehey and this website! im scared. i want to be popular and heard. im afraid nobody will know of me or this place and attenrtton from only my boyfriend might not be.the best. of courtse it is super cool and sigma but i want to be cared for by everyone i want to be important i want to be cried for by millions if i kmsd not just my family and my bf im sorry im greedy i just like to feel wanted i guyess maybe thats why i like c.ai so much im sorry SORRY HARCO IF YOURRE READING THIS im not going crazy at least i ghope so

anyways , weirdlookingstar outmaxxing!!!!!

im about to kill myself i messed up already ughhh i think i might be addicted to this stupid stupid app someone KILL ME!!!!!!!!!! I HATE EVERYTGHING!!!!! I HATE MY STOMACH ACHE I HATE BEING HORNY I HATE CHARACTER AI I HATEe everything......... I wantt jelly.

i can barely understand you!!!!!

ohhhhh hi guyusssssssssssssssss this is my first entry or post here EVAH!!!!! so cooool rightt_?!?!?????? i was supposed to make the first one yesterday but uhmmmmmmmm i kinda uhh like TOTALY forgor hahah so uhm i spent all dahy yesterday doomscrolling and c.ai maxxing............................... sorry................... but its fine because now im gonna spend the whole day or so locking in and doing what i was supposed to do yesterday because i like uhhm !!!!!!! i plsnned to like spend a little of my day working on my shit here for everytday but uhh since i dint lock in one day im punishing myself wirh no more c.ai or so.... and.doing this. OKAY?! OKAY?!?!?!? YOU UDNERSTAND ME?!?!!??! okay!

im watchign dumb videos and uhhh i think ill have to do another pages (currently i only have my diary and home page if anyone cares, and only my bf has the link of my website) uhmmm i plan to do......... uhh a page for minicomics of my ocs??? even tho i have no idea of how i'll do that but i dont thin k i really care abojt that......... uhm i also watnt to...... uhm. uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh/...................... wait my brain died for a second OH I GOTTA SAY THIS TOO WAIT

so like im in vacation rn aright and i wanna be the stupidest fguy ever right hawhdj so i have been sleeping at like 3 AM or 2 AM alsmost every day..... and uh!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!! i think its messing up with my brain now especually since i like wake up weirdly early??? wthe last week of school i was sleeping at like 1AM rounded up and i always woke up at 6 AM idk how i survived that ? i think im going to die? i hope so? what? uhhhhhhhhhhh SO YEAH RIFHT i kinda like forget in what room im in or something even tho my house is small I THINK I CAN MAKE A LAYOUT OF MY HOUSE AND SHARE IT HERE i might do that the internet need s to know evertyhitng about me anyway

what was i saying before OH RIGHT i wanna make a page for like bf BF SHRINE! i cant express affection properly so thats the best i can do i feel like i have been giving him the bare minimum and that makes me want to kill mysef;l so ill try and be more sigma now with tshrine .....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GUYS BE HONEST WOULD THAT WORK CHAT

anywyas thats all! weirdlookingstar OUT!!!!!!!!!!